


Show Me How To Love You

by Akan_Abrun



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alcohol, Bonding, Coitus, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, Five Year Mission, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Leonard McCoy/Christine Chapel, Jim is emotionally attached to their bond, Little plot, M/M, New Vulcan, No Idea, POOR LEONARD, Post Into Darkness, S'chn t'gai, Soul Bond, Spock is Angry, Swearing, Vulcan, Vulcan Bond, bond, confused leonard, drunk, how that happened, into darkness tiny spoiler, spones - Freeform, tad ooc I'm sorry, tags got carried away, vulcan II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 02:24:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5610382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akan_Abrun/pseuds/Akan_Abrun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a drunken night to celebrate their five year mission, Spock wakes up in Leonard McCoy's bed. Leonard remembers nothing, but Spock eventually reveals to him that an accidental bond was formed because of their shenanigans. Now, Leonard ain't no gay man flyin' into the arms of some hobgoblin- he'd make the Vulcan suffer.</p><p>(Link for Korean (한국어) translation in first chapter notes!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> T'was a horrible summary, but here is what you need to know.  
> Alcohol is involved (chocolate for the Vulcan over there). Sex is involved, but this is not a smutty story. I intend to make it quite fluffy. No mpreg. Happy ending. Spock and Nyota are dating in the beginning. Leonard has eyes for Chapel. Read the tags if you want more. No major spoilers there. Most importantly, thank you for reading!
> 
> KOREAN (한국어) TRANSLATION: http://posty.pe/fvies7

Spock hardly allowed some time for himself to be angry before he made the proper arrangements. He moved McCoy to the middle of the bed, smoothing out the blankets so no trace of him was left. He gathered up his discarded clothes on the floor and ignored the disgust as he dressed himself with them. Then, ever so quiet, he left the doctor's room and made his way to his own quarters. 

It started out last night as something simple. Spock was "pushed" into indulging in so much chocolate, while the others drowned themselves in alcohol. After grieving Jim's temporary death and difficult recovery, as well as the stress of dealing with Khan Noonien Singh, everyone seemed to want an output. It was also a sort of celebration for the new five year mission they had already embarked on. It took a lot of convincing before Spock started to partake in the activities, though. 

When he arrived at the reserved observation deck the night before, everyone was already having fun. Nyota and Jim were playfully cursing at each other in different languages with different accents before Jim fell off his chair in laughter. He kept saying "Klingon with an Andorian accent? How, Uhura, how?!" Spock tried not to listen to his laughs, but it was very difficult to ignore. Chekov and Sulu tried to play some karate fighting, making vast chopping motions until people were hit in the face and they were forced to stop. Scotty and McCoy only ranted in each other in their respected Terran accents which eventually became difficult to listen to. All Spock wanted to do was relax. 

And before they knew it, they got lost in the haze. Spock, however, remembered every detail. 

McCoy couldn't decipher left from right, so Spock (the responsible, Good Samaritan) helped him along, even though he himself could barely walk in a straight line. It took what seemed like hours before they made it to McCoy's quarters, and everything changed. One thing led to another, and hands were raked through hair and pulling clothes off. McCoy was far gone, and Spock wasn't completely there, either. About half of the time, he thought that Nyota was the one that he was touching relentlessly. The room was left dark and they were on the floor for most of the activities. Spock would shudder to remember how dirty, sticky, and absolutely violent the sex was. 

Spock was no Pon Farr ridden Vulcan before the time of Surak. He was of noble descent, a S'chn T'gai, son of Sarek, most studied hybrid child of the Federation for years. Yet he woke up in the same bed as a crotchety human male after a night deterred by chocolate and skin rubbing against sweating skin. It made him sick to think of it. 

When Spock reached his quarters, he showered for twice as long as he usually did. Maybe three times, for extra cleansing. He did not worry about Jim walking in- on a normal schedule he wouldn't wake up for another hour. On account of last night, Spock wagered that the captain might just be late for alpha shift. Being his good First Officer, though, Spock decided that he would wake the captain up after he meditated for at least an hour. 

After his shower, he lit some incense from New Vulcan and meditated. If he was being honest with himself, he felt emotions he didn't anticipate bubbling through his mind. He knew that expectations were unwise and illogical, but he could not help but to expect that his first time having coitus would be... different, to say the least. He expected a long, healthy relationship with Nyota before sex would come into the equation. They had even discussed it, Spock wanting to delay such actions and Nyota accepting his boundaries. But that is not what happened, and he felt a vast array of emotions because of that. He felt angry, sad, betrayed, and sick. Most of all, though, he felt guilty. Guilty for betraying Nyota in his time of weakness. He could not help regretting that it was not her that he accompanied last night. 

\--- 

The crew was nothing short of unpleasant throughout the beginning of the day (due to hangovers), but they all returned to their regular selves by dinner- with the exception of Spock, of course. He was getting his food with Nyota, busying his hands so that she wouldn't entwine her fingers with his. They had established public boundaries, so perhaps he was being too careful. He could not stand any affection from her, and felt guilty and angry about the night before. 

Food in hands, they walked over to their regular table. McCoy was there, stabbing at a steak and salad, and Spock halted. He stood tensely still for approximately 3.68 seconds before Nyota pulled on his arm and he continued walking. He didn't feel the same when she touched him. Again, all affection was replaced with anger and guilt. He chided himself on how illogical he was being. There was no avoiding the confrontation between him and the doctor, and there was no avoiding Nyota. He would talk to her that night. About what, he was yet unsure. 

They sat down, and Spock stayed silent as the others discussed the Enterprise's first task. It wasn't exciting, but it was something. They merely had to go to some nearby star system and update how things were progressing in the area. It wasn't even really a task, in Sulu's opinion. 

"I mean, we should get into the nitty gritty of everything!" Sulu said with a smile, and was Chekov encouraged him with a smile. "We've had enough training by now. We should roll on over into some uncharted territory and lay down the law, you think?" Jim laughed and patted his back. Spock thought that if Sulu wanted to be in the "nitty gritty" so early on in the mission, then he was surely wanting a death wish (as some humans would say). 

"If you're really hankerin' for that kinda thing," Spock swallowed and looked up to see McCoy with a small smile, looking over at Sulu. "Then you must really have a death wish." Spock ate at his salad as the others laughed. He couldn't help but think if he'd get the same reaction if he had been the one to say it. 

"Hey Spock," Spock looked up, and Jim was smiling at him. "Did you have a good time last night? You've been pretty quiet today." He tensed up immediately, and he could tell that everyone had noticed, but no one said anything.

"I assure you, Captain, that I am only as quiet as I always have been." Spock said, and stood up. He looked at Nyota and said "Excuse me, but I seemed to have lost my appetite. I will see you tonight." He walked away without waiting for any response. He hoped that he did not do anything wrong. 

\---

"Spock, what's with you? Did something happen between us? Did I-"

"I can assure you, Nyota, that you have not done anything wrong." Spock clenched his hands behind his back. They were in Nyota's quarters, facing each other, the lights slightly dimmed. 

"Then what, Spock? What happened? This isn't like you. Please." She was begging him, Spock decided. She wanted reassurance. She needed to know that it was not her fault. 

"Nyota." Spock said firmly, stepping closer to her. She looked up at him defiantly, as strong a woman as she always was. "You are nothing short of the talented, strong woman that I have always known you to be." He voiced his thoughts. "However, I am the one at fault, for the ending of our relationship. It seems as though, after current events, I cannot yet handle an intimate relationship." She nodded. She nodded a lot, and Spock only watched her. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, messing up her perfect makeup, but she wiped them away quickly. 

"Okay." She said, still nodding. "I understand. I still want to be friends with you, but I need some time." It was Spock's turn to nod at that, and Nyota swallowed harshly. She gestured towards the door, and he took the cue to leave. He wanted to hesitate, or turn around, or say something like "I still deeply care for you," but he didn't. He didn't want to deepen her pain. So he left, and walked straight back to his quarters to meditate.


	2. Jim's Newborn Baby

"So what's up with Spock, huh?" Jim leaned back and rested his feet on the desk. Leonard looked up and glared when he saw the boots on top of his work. 

"Get off my desk or I'll hypo you into next year." Leonard threatened, and Jim removed his feet with a sigh. 

"I think his bad temper might have spread to you." Jim joked, but Leonard only rolled his eyes. "Hey, everyone seemed to have enjoyed that one night in the observation deck. Only you and Spock seem to be sour after it. You guys get into another fight or something?" Leonard chuckled dishearteningly. 

"Hell if I know, Jim. I don't remember anything after Chekov karate chopping Scotty in the schnoz." He half-smiled at that. Scotty was pissed. 

"Yeah," Jim started laughing. "Didn't he say something like 'you better get yer wee head ou' of yer arse before I roundhouse kick ye outta here'?" Leonard snickered at that. 

"Yeah, something like that." He said, looking at a monitor to see if he had gotten any emails from Joanna. God was he happy that the ex-wife finally let her start emailing him at least. Even though emails were so late 20th century. There were no messages from her yet, though, so he sighed and closed it out. 

"Yeah, anyway, I'll leave you to your work." Jim stood up and stretched, and Leonard watched him. 

"Take it easy, alright? And get some exercise in before I make you start runnin' laps round my sickbay." Leonard ordered, and Jim rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah yeah, bye Bones." Jim left his office, and sighed. He didn't even have any work left, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He started feeling really strange. Well, he started feeling strange right when he woke up a few days ago, but he had blamed it on the hangover. But now it was a different strange. He hoped to dear God that he wasn't getting sick with something so early on in the mission. He was usually in tiptop shape for his age. 

Deciding that nothing was left for him here, he stood up and walked back out into Sickbay to see how everything was going. A couple ensigns were being treated, as well as a poor redshirt. Leonard always felt bad for those guys. Redshirts always had the worst of luck. After walking around a bit, he finally spotted the lovely Christine Chapel and went over to her. She was organizing medications, so he helped her. 

"How's it going, Christine? Haven't had the time to chat since lift off." Leonard said, and Christine smiled at him.

"It's going pretty good, except for a few people who 'spontaneously' got sick right after we left." She said, making Leonard growl. 

"Damn it, don't they know that they're supposed to be healthy before they get on this goddamn ship? We can't afford an epidemic so early on in the game!" He complained, and Christine smiled and shook her head. 

"It's alright, Leonard. Just small common colds." Christine said, and Leonard grunted. He didn't mention how threatening the Terran common colds could be to other species that are aboard the ship. He just continued helping her, all but stalling a certain question. 

"Hey, Christine," Leonard said, putting away the last segment of meds. "How about we head to the Ten-Forward after we're done here? Just for a couple drinks on me." She smiled at him again. He liked that about her- she was always smiling, even when it got difficult. She was optimistic, and kind, and strong. Everything he liked in a woman. 

"Leonard, I..." He's heard this before, so he waited for the rejection. "I'd love to." He smiled back at her. Leonard had a feeling that this was going to be a good five years. 

\---

Jim knocked tentatively on Spock's door. He rocked back and forth on his heels and wondered how he was going to tackle this. He knew that Spock wouldn't respond to begging, so he was going to have to be dominate him. Yeah, he would have to dominate Spock. In every sense of the word. Well, maybe not EVERY-

Spock opened the door, and just looked at him. He looked as expressionless as ever. Jim smiled awkwardly and gestured. "Can I... come in?" After a few seconds, Spock finally let him in, and Jim let out a breath of air when he entered. Man, this would be hard. When the door closed, he dropped the smile and looked Spock in the eyes. "Look. I know something happened. And I can see you tensing up right now. You and Bones left together, and I just met Uhura in the mess. She turned down poker, Spock. She never turns down poker. What happened?" Jim crossed his arms and hoped that Spock would say something. 

Except, nothing happened. Spock put his hands behind his back, and just looked at Jim. He tried not to freak out as he hoped that the damn Vulcan would just say something, or show a clue, or anything. But nothing happened. Jim closed his eyes and sighed. He had to pull out the big guns. 

"It's affecting your performance. As your captain, I kindly order you to disclose this information." Jim ordered with his best Captain Voice. Spock blinked at that. 

"My performance has been unsatisfactory?" Spock said, his eyebrows lowering a fraction. Jim tried not to smile. 

"Your performance is never unsatisfactory." Jim said, but he wouldn't let it end there. "Which is why I'm shocked now. It's too early on in the mission for you to be acting off." He said, and let the words sink in for a bit. When Spock looked like he was going to say something, Jim cut him off. "Tell me what happened, Spock. Don't make me force it out of you." He knew it was an empty threat, and he was sure Spock knew that too, but he wasn't afraid to keep going. Spock performed the tiniest of sighs before sitting at the small table. Jim sat across from him. 

"It is difficult to describe." Spock said, but Jim didn't do anything. He just waited. He knew when to be quiet. "When I had decided to return to my quarters, Dr. McCoy also desired to leave. Since he did not know the way to his own quarters, I accompanied him. The journey took longer than expected- an approximate 57.31 minutes. When we arrived at his quarters..." Spock swallowed hard, and Jim could tell that the Vulcan was getting irritated. "I woke up in his bed." Spock said shortly, and Jim tried not to show any emotion. He could've guessed that part. But he wanted to know all of it. 

"Nope. Whole story. There's more to it than that, and we both know it." Jim tried not to make it sound like he wanted to know because he was a pervert, but well, old habits die hard. It was for Spock's own good, though. 

"While inside Dr. McCoy's quarters, the light had never been turned on. It is only my inference now that we had partially forgotten who each other were. He started... touching me, in various places. I had mistaken him for Nyota, at some point." Jim nodded, but he knew that Spock was only saying that to justify himself right off the bat. His use of "at some point" clearly showed that he knew that he was with Leonard for most of the time. "I am unsure as to when exactly we became naked..." At this, Jim could see the green rising to Spock's ears and cheeks. He didn't know if it was anger, embarrassment, or a combination of several things. 

Jim gestured for Spock to continue. "We partook in a rather violent intercourse for... approximately 63.22 minutes." At that, Jim couldn't help but raise his eyebrows. He had to intervene. 

"Hold on, wait up." Jim held up his hands in surrender. "You're meaning to tell me that you two spent an hour fucking each other, and you didn't even realize that what you were doing was, y'know, wrong?" One of Spock's eyebrows twitched, so Jim held his hands up higher. "Don't get mad, just hear me out. Clearly you two weren't in some sort of drunken rage if you fucked for-" 

"Please refrain from using that term." Spock demanded, clearly looking angry now. 

"What? Fuck?" Jim said, and Spock clenched his jaw. "Alright, sorry. But stop distracting me. On topic, I've gotten drunk with Bones before. He doesn't fu- sex with anyone while drunk. I've tried." He knew he wasn't helping with Spock's anger, and he knew that his point was probably already across, so he just gestured for Spock to continue the story. 

"After engaging in intercourse for that amount of time, we fell asleep in his bed." Spock continued, looking only a little angry now. "I awoke at approximately 0400 hours and returned to my own quarters, removing any trace that I had been in Dr. McCoy's company." Jim nodded again. He could agree with that. If Leonard woke up next to a Vulcan, all hell'd probably break loose. 

"I can guess the rest. What about Uhura?" Jim asked, scooting forward a bit in his chair. He could only guess how uncomfortable he was making Spock feel. 

"After dinner that day, I ended our relationship." Jim's eyebrows rose to the heavens at that, but Spock continued. "I did not disclose any details, but I assured her that it was not her fault." Jim was shocked, to say the least. 

"Why didn't you... you know... talk it over with her?" Jim laughed nervously. "Why'd you have to end a relationship because of some drunken act? It happens to the best of us." Spock shook his head a little, and Jim frowned. 

"There is... something else." Spock spoke slow and quiet, making Jim lean forward even more. He was far inside Spock's bubble by that time. "I had feared it as soon as I awoke in his bed that morning. However, over this short time I have collected sufficient data for it to be highly suspected. With enough meditation, it was evident." When Spock said no more, Jim flailed his hands in a wide gesture for him to continue. There was another tiny Vulcan sigh. "I had formed a bond with him during our... coitus." 

Jim gaped. He gaped for a long time, and sat back in his chair. He scoffed and crossed his arms while shaking his head. He muttered, "Well bend me over and call me Sally..." And Spock gave him the Vulcan version of The Look. Jim smiled widely. "You and Bones! Never in a billion years would I have seen that coming..." 

"Captain, I am sure you are aware that I have much intention to sever this bond, as I am sure that Dr. McCoy will once I inform him of it." Spock said, and Jim felt like he was hit with a brick. 

"What?! Spock!" Jim slammed his hand on the table. "No. You already have a severed bond and an ending of a serious relationship on your shoulders. You know what too many severed bonds do to Vulcans. You can't. I won't allow it. You both will just have to work it out." 

"Captain, I am half-human-" 

"Spock, I don't give a rat's ass about any of your complicated genealogy. You are not severing that bond. That bond was formed of something else, you know." Jim's voice went soft, and he leaned towards Spock again. "Your arranged bond hardly mattered. This one was formed willingly. You can't have this mess you up. Don't sever it." He stood up and crossed his arms defiantly. "You two will work this out. I don't care how it happens, or what it takes. Whether it takes a relationship or not, that bond will survive, damn it." He didn't know why, but he was starting to think of Spock and McCoy's bond as an actual being. They couldn't just go and kill it. When Spock said nothing, Jim nodded to him and left through their shared bathroom. 

Once in his own quarters, he sighed. It was going to be a long and hard five years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to say it's OOC in places, I'd be happy to know where. I won't be happy if you go ranting about it for years, though. I want to improve, not be discouraged. 
> 
> Please leave feedback and if you like it, kudos are gr8.


	3. Impulse Decisions

Jim could understand if it was a few days. Some time to relax, analyze the situation, and plan out the approach. What he didn't like was how it was approaching two and a half weeks and Spock still hadn't so much as looked at Leonard. It was really grinding Jim's gears to say the least. So, naturally, he formulated a plan that would force them to at least communicate with each other. 

That bond needed to grow, after all. 

Sitting in his Captain's Chair, Jim tried to look as authoritative as possible as he looked over at his First Officer. "Spock, as a respectable member of the science department, you should accompany the away team down to the planet. Just for some extra analyzations and security for the team." Spock raised an annoyed eyebrow, but Jim knew that the Vulcan would be interested. 

The thing is, that planet was teeming with several edible herbs and fruits even though it was a desert planet. Jim knew that Spock would be interested in collecting some samples to see if such plants could grow on New Vulcan. He smirked when Spock nodded and exited on the turbolift. In his peripheral, he saw Uhura looking at him curiously, but he didn't acknowledge her. He didn't want to give her any ideas. 

Although, Spock and Uhura HAVE seemed to have made up, or at least Jim thought. He knew they weren't together again, but he often saw them engaging in conversation together in the mess. She actually laughed when they talked too. Jim never understood how Spock managed to make her laugh, but he wouldn't pry. It was good for them. He wondered if Spock would tell her the news any time soon... 

"Keptin..." Chekov turned to face Jim, looking extremely embarrassed. Sulu gave the Russian an exasperated look, but didn't say anything. 

"Yes, Chekov?" Jim smiled, appreciating how the young one could still be so easily flustered. 

"Vell... Ze word around is gaining height, and vell..." Chekov stammered, looking uncomfortable. Uhura snickered, though, which seemed to give him a bit of courage somehow. "Are you end Spock dating?" Chekov choked out, and Jim gaped at him. 

"Is..." Jim tried not to burst out laughing. "Is that what people are saying these days?" He let himself laugh for a bit, and Chekov looked considerably less red (thank God). "No, God no. If I could have, I would have tapped that a very long time ago. No, I'm not the one he's after." 

"So he's after someone?" Uhura piped in, and Jim froze. 

"Did I say that?" Jim laughed nervously, cursing his big mouth. He was really in deep this time. "You must be mistaken, Uhura. You know Spock. He's never after people. Don't think that." He got serious, and pointed at Sulu's mischievous look. "Don't even start betting on it, okay? That's an order. And all of you, stop this gossip." Jim sat up straighter in his chair, and sighed in relief when everyone returned to their work. Hopefully they'd all keep quiet about that little slip up. Thank high heaven Spock didn't hear that. 

-

Spock joined the away team on the transporter pad, subconsciously choosing to stand next to McCoy, who was holding a bag of emergency medical equipment. "So Jim sent you over to make sure we didn't get into any trouble on the vacant planet?" McCoy said, half jokingly and half accusatory. Spock glanced at him, trying not to feel nervous. 

"I found it in my own interest to accompany you planet-side." Spock said, and hoped that McCoy wouldn't catch any double meaning there. 

"Ah, yeah, these plants would be great for New Vulcan, right?" McCoy said as he put his bag down and crossed his arms. Spock looked at him and nodded. 

"Affirmative. It is my hope that I will find a suitable strain of herbs that might be beneficial when used as a tea. New Vulcan, unfortunately, is lacking in variety." Spock said, and McCoy nodded in understanding. The rest of the scientists arrived, and they beamed down. 

Spock was immediately pleased to find how hot the planet's atmosphere was. Looking around, he saw that despite the endless sandy planes, there were many plants that seemed to be thriving under the harsh weather. There was a slight breeze every now and then, and the planet's two suns beaded down on them. Spock felt at home. It was a nice feeling. He watched as the science team went to work, analyzing and taking samples. McCoy seemed to have taken interest in a cactus-like plant. Deciding all was well, Spock ventured off to find what he was looking for. 

Before long, Spock had trekked to a cluster of leafy plants that he could smell from a few meters away. It was a sweet, minty, spicy smell that would have been hard to describe for a human. Spock found himself further reminded of Vulcan, but he decided that there was no point in reminiscing now. Vulcan was destroyed, and now he needed to help further the development of New Vulcan. He took some scans, decided it was safe, and took more than enough samples for him to experiment with. He only hoped that his experiment would be successful. 

Spock started feeling a burning on his left forearm, but there was nothing there when he looked. Suddenly, the revelation came, making him almost drop his samples. He ran the long way back to the group, and saw McCoy sitting on the ground, scowling. He was rubbing something on his arm, and had a hypo between his teeth. He was alone, the rest of the team having went off on their own. They weren't supposed to do that, but he wasn't focusing on that now. Spock knelt down, and saw that McCoy had a blue-looking rash all over his forearm. "Hey," McCoy said through the hypo. Spock offered his hand, and he dropped the hypo in it. Spock tried not to think about how it was moist with traces of McCoy's saliva. "Don't touch the cactuses. Bad idea." He snickered a bit, but Spock glared at him. 

"Why would you touch a such a plant on a foreign planet?" Spock demanded, and McCoy raised his eyebrows at him. 

"Look, Spock, I get it. We're all just dumb humans to you. Now hand me that hypo." McCoy practically snatched the hypo from him and jabbed it onto his own neck. "For your information, I didn't touch it on purpose. I just accidentally rubbed against it when I turned around." He continued rubbing the bluish rash, frowning. "Burns like a son of a bitch, though." Spock looked around, not seeing anyone near them. 

"Would you like me to accompany you back to the ship?" Spock asked, and McCoy glared at him. 

"Why'n the hell would we go back? I still wanna look around. Medicine will kick in soon." McCoy rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing himself off as he looked around. "You find your magical herbs?" 

"I did find some herbs, however they possess no magical properties." Spock said, holding up his samples. 

"Good, good." McCoy said, nodding and looking around. "Maybe you could go find some more, eh? Stop you from fussin'. I'm gonna go and see what the others are up to." With that, the doctor walked off. Spock could only take that statement as a "I don't want you around, go play somewhere else," so he walked away in the opposite direction. If he was being honest with himself, he guessed that it was somewhat normal for that to be the case. After all, they hardly ever conversed without Jim's company. 

Spock could see now why Jim was encouraging them to be stuck together. As if he knew he was being thought of, Jim contacted him. "Hey, Spock, how's it going down there?" 

"I have gathered several samples of herbs that may prove useful for the citizens of New Vulcan." Spock said, walking over to a pond that he hadn't noticed before. 

"Uh-huh, cool. We've been watching your little dot things on-screen." Jim said, and Spock wondered how the man ever passed as a captain with statements like those. "You and Bones were together for a while before parting ways. What happened?" 

"McCoy suffers a rash on his left forearm, due to a poisonous cactus-like plant." Spock said, hesitating. He wondered if the rest of the crew could hear their conversation. "After he treated himself, he suggested that I continue my endeavor in finding more herbs." He sat down on a rock, looking at his watch. They all had to be at certain coordinates in twenty minutes, so Spock thought he'd relax a while. 

"Alright, well, keep up the good work, Spock. Kirk out." 

\--

During dinner, Jim sat next to Spock. So that they could talk. He put his mouth next to the Vulcan's pointed air and breathed, "You mad 'cause Bones made you go away?" Spock thought about that for a while. Was he angry? No. Disappointed? Possibly. He wouldn't admit to that, though. He sat up straight and finished chewing his salad before leaning to whisper in Jim's ear. 

"I am not. However, I cannot reveal the truth soon if he does not prove compliant." Spock whispered, then took another bite of his food. Jim snorted, and Spock rose an eyebrow. 

"Never compliant..." Jim muttered under his breath, eating his own food. Spock saw Scotty looking between the two of them. 

"Ah thought you said you weren' datin'." Scotty said, eyeing them. Jim rolled his eyes. 

"We're not. Trust me." Jim said, then turned to Spock again. "Chess tonight. We gotta talk about my baby." Spock rose both eyebrows. 

"'Baby', Jim?" Spock asked, and Jim smiled and tapped his head. He was referring to the bond. Spock resisted the urge the glare at him. It was uncomfortable having his bond with McCoy be considered as Jim's baby. Nonetheless, Spock only nodded, which earned several suspicious looks from the table. 

\--

"I'm getting tired of waiting, Spock!" Jim groaned as they restarted another match. He had already lost twice. 

"Jim, your complaining has been decreasing the quality of your performance." Spock said smartly, and Jim rolled his eyes. 

"Seriously, Spock. You gotta say something. Anything." Jim said for the thousandth time, and Spock just ignored him. "If you don't tell him within the next two weeks, then I will. It's illogical to keep it from him." Honestly, Spock was getting tired of hearing all of this from Jim. He knew he had to tell McCoy eventually. He knew it was illogical to wait for so long. Why WAS he waiting? 

"If I tell him tonight, will you stop bothering me about it?" Spock reasoned, and Jim brightened up immediately. 

"This is all so sudden!" Jim said dramatically putting a hand over his heart. "But seriously, impulse decisions are not like you, Spock. What's gotten into you?" Suddenly Jim grinned and snapped his fingers, making Spock raise an eyebrow. "I know what got into you. Bones did." Jim tried to stop himself from laughing, and Spock all but glared at him. Between laughs, Jim said, "Bones boned you!" Spock thought about replying that in that case, they both would have gotten into each other (that night was a long night- Jim still marveled at the 63 minutes of "sexy stamina"), but he decided against it. He only stood up and walked out of the room. 

Spock was going to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very tired while writing, so probably a load of crap. I'll fix it tomorrow. Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Spock stepped foot outside the door, he immediately regretted his decision. Was he being too hasty? It was quite sudden of him, and even Jim could tell that he was acting strange. Spock knew that he was making a bad, sudden decision. But he had already made it, and he was going to follow it through. 

While he walked through the halls, he wondered why he suddenly decided that Jim was right about this. Then he realized that from the very beginning he was being illogical about the situation. Spock knew that he should have told McCoy long ago about all of this. He decided that his sudden bout of nonsensical thinking was due to being bonded with a human. His mother told him once that Sarek suffered some illogical thoughts soon after being bonded. She said that he recovered his sense after locking himself away to meditate for hours on end. Spock decided that he would take more time out of his daily regime for meditation. 

For now, he would take his illogical human strength and make use of it. Spock knocked on McCoy's door, steeling his face. 

-

Leonard groaned. Right when he was about to comm Christine to see if she was free tomorrow night, someone knocked on his door. All he wanted was some peace, was that too much to ask? He assumed it was Jim, though, so he went to the door and opened it. He was startled to find a stoic Vulcan standing there. 

"Mister Spock." Leonard nodded and allowed the man in. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" He said sarcastically, shutting the door. He couldn't help but feel annoyed that Spock was there, in his room, at this ungodly hour. 

"Doctor, do you recall the events that took place the night when the crew indulged in alcoholic beverages?" Spock asked, prim and to the point. Leonard thought about that. The crew altogether did drink perhaps more than they ought to, but he guessed Spock was talking about that one night in particular. 

"For the most part," Leonard said, turning around and grabbing his ice water that he had gotten earlier. He took a long drink. There was a lot of condensation on the glass, so he had to wipe his hand on his pants. "I was kinda surprised that you participated as well. Doesn't seem too Vulcan-y of you." He turned around to face the hard-faced Vulcan, and crossed his arms. "I only remember up until Chekov's little karate chopping accident." He chuckled, but Spock stayed stiff. He seemed kind of... off. 

"You do not remember me accompanying you back to your quarters?" Spock asked, taking a step forward. Leonard frowned. 

"No. What happened? We get into another fight that I don't know about?" Leonard asked, his patience drying up. "S'That why you been actin' so weird lately?" Spock took another step forward, invading his personal space and making him glare. 

"Meld with me." Spock demanded, but then his features softened ever so slightly. "Please, Doctor." Leonard swallowed. Meld? 

"Good God, man, just tell me what we fought about and be done with it!" Leonard said, walking away from the Vulcan. He was starting to feel really nervous about the whole situation. He didn't know why, but he felt a sense of impending doom. 

"McCoy." Spock said, and Leonard swallowed again. He didn't want to make the man angry, but he didn't wanna touch minds with the guy either. "I merely wish to show you memories." Spock said quietly, as if sensing Leonard's doubts. Man must've been a mind reader or something. Damn Vulcans and their voodoo. He sighed. 

"Fine. Do it." Leonard said, and Spock stepped in front of him. The Vulcan placed his fingers on the appropriate places, and spoke. 

"My mind to your mind,"

_'My thoughts to your thoughts.'_

Then, Leonard watched as it all played out for him like a movie, only it was all in Spock's point of view. He saw himself, drunk beyond compare, stumbling along to his room with Spock's help. Then he started feeling. The room was dark. He felt what Spock felt, and watched his silhouette touch him and pull at his clothes. He watched the rough, violent, and dirty sex that played out before him. He had Spock's perception of time, and saw just how long the events played out for. In the end, he saw himself sleeping, and Spock left no trace of him being there before he left. 

Leonard was jerked back into reality, and he fell backwards onto the couch. He started sweating as he tried to decipher what happened. He shook his head. "That's... That's not possible. That must've been a dream or something..." Then, he noticed that his own memories were coming back to him. He looked at the floor and the bed and realized that he and Spock had sex there. "Get out." Leonard said quietly, raking a hand through his hair and rubbing his face. When Spock didn't move, Leonard yelled at him. "GET OUT!" He rested his head in his hands, and heard Spock exit the room. 

\--

"I'm pissed off, Jim. What do you expect? For me to get married to the guy and live happily ever after?!" Leonard paced his office, Jim sitting down and watching him. 

"Look Bones, he means well-"

"Then why didn't he tell me about it earlier, huh? Ever think of that? Why didn't he just wake me up right then and there and said 'I am sorry to inform you, Doctor, that we have slept together' huh? Why didn't he do that?!" Leonard picked up his empty coffee mug and threw it against the wall, making it shatter on the floor. 

"Bones, please." Jim stood up and grabbed Leonard's face in his hands. "Calm. Down. He didn't tell you before because he knew you would act like this. He wanted to soften you up first, like on that desert planet, but you shut him down out there. You've always been shutting him down! He doesn't know how to deal with this kind of bond with you either! You know important bonds are to Vulcans, damn it Bones!" When Jim got done yelling at him, he dropped his hands and backed away. Leonard blinked. 

"Bond?!" Leonard shouted, and Jim looked like a deer caught in headlights. "What. Bond. Jim." Leonard stepped over and grabbed Jim's shirt. "WHAT. BOND." 

"Hold on, Bones, hold on." Jim held up his hands. "I thought Spock would have told you that after he explained what happened That Night." Jim said imploringly, and Leonard let go of his shirt. 

"He couldn't have told me..." He muttered, rubbing his temples. "I told him to get out right after..." At that, Jim completely deflated. 

"You've gotta be- okay, okay, fine." Jim said, visibly giving up. "Alright. We can work this out. Listen, I'll tell him that you already know about the bond, so he won't try to get on your back again to explain that part to you. In the meantime... This is Captain's Orders, you know, so you better do it." Jim said, standing up straighter. Leonard rolled his eyes, too angry to even speak by this point. "Take some time for yourself. Figure things out. Hell I'll even give you tomorrow off if it'll make it so you're not throwing coffee cups around." Leonard took a deep breath and nodded. 

"Okay. Thank you, Jim." He muttered, clenching his jaw. Jim nodded, and walked out of the office. Leonard ran a hand across his face. What was he to do now? He saw someone out of the corner of his eye, and looked over to see Christine in the doorway. "Christine," Leonard swallowed, hoping she didn't hear anything. She smiled at him. 

"Leonard, I'm sorry." She said, still smiling despite herself. "It seems as though you're taken." Leonard frowned. 

"No, wait, this doesn't mean anything!" He said hastily, walking over to her. She shook her head. 

"I know, Leonard." She breathed, "But Spock won't say the same. You two are bonded now. I know what that means. It was fun, Leonard." She smiled up at him, and leaned forward. She kissed his cheek, and he didn't know how to react. "I'll see you around." With that, she left him there. He went back to his desk and sat, wondering what to do next. 

\--

It was dinner time again, and everyone was at the table. Even Leonard and Spock, who were both ignoring each other (which in all honesty, wasn't too different from normal). Jim and Spock sat next to each other again so that they could whisper.

"Jim, what did you do?" Spock whispered vehemently in Jim's ear, his patience quickly feeling him. At Jim's evasive look, Spock continued. "I felt his anger through the bond." Jim's lip twitched into a smile. 

"Ah, so the baby started cryin', huh?" Jim smiled and patted Spock's head. "It's okay, daddy's here." Jim could feel McCoy's eyes on them, so he gave the best show. "You need a kiss to make our baby feel better?" He laughed, and Spock grabbed his wrist. 

"This is not the time for play, Jim." Spock said quietly, his jaw clenched. Jim sighed. 

"Look, Spock, I'm trying to eat. We can talk about it later." Jim muttered, but Spock got into his space and growled in his ear. 

"What did you say to him to make him so overwhelmed with anger." He demanded, and Jim sighed. 

"I... told him about the baby." Jim whispered, and Spock's eyebrow twitched. Jim started panicking. "It's okay, he'll get over it." He saw Spock's jaw clench so hard he was afraid he was going to break his face like that. Right when he was going to say something, Spock gripped his water so hard that the glass cup broke in his hand. His green blood seeped onto the table from the various cuts the glass left. "What is it with you people and breaking glass cups?!" Jim complained, and Leonard stood up abruptly. 

"Damn it, man." Leonard growled and grabbed a a cloth napkin. He (very roughly) grabbed Spock's hand and (very tightly) wrapped the napkin around it. "Go to your quarters and clean the wound. Don't use that hand for a while." He ordered, but Spock just stared at him. Leonard glared at him. "Now." He demanded, and Spock stood up and walked off. Jim's eyebrows rose to his hairline, but Leonard pointed at him and said "Don't." Jim held up his hands and returned to his food. Suddenly, everyone handed money to Sulu. 

"Yep, see, I knew it!" Sulu announced. Jim glared everyone down, and Leonard looked at Jim angrily. 

"It was all them, Bones, I had no-" Jim tried, but Leonard just shook his head and walked away. Jim sighed. All he ever wanted to do was help. How come that never worked?! 

"Spock and Len?" Uhura said, laughing into her napkin. "I never would've seen that coming..." Jim sighed. 

"It didn't. And it probably won't." Jim said, and everyone looked at him for an explanation. He gave up. They'd have to know at some point, right? No secret and stay a secret on the Enterprise, right? "Listen. This doesn't leave the group." Jim spoke quietly, and everybody leaned in. "Spock accidentally formed a bond with Bones. Bones didn't find out until today, and he is NOT happy about it. Granted Spock isn't too happy about it either, but... He's trying." Jim glanced at Uhura, but she only nodded. 

"I was really angry about Spock ending our relationship without explanation a while ago, but," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm glad that I know why now. And honestly, I'm happy for him. He might not be happy about being bonded with Leonard, but he's finally bonded with SOMEone. And that's what really matters here." She smiled, and everyone nodded. 

"Vell, ve know vat ve need to do!" Chekov said excitedly. "Ve need to-"

"No." Jim cut in. "I'm sorry, Chekov, but we need to leave this to them. It might take a long time, but they need to work things out themselves." Everyone nodded in agreement, even though Chekov looked a little disappointed. Jim smiled at him and pat his back. Kid was sure cute sometimes. 

\---

The next few days passed normally. Spock's hand healed crazy fast because of his Vulcan voodoo, and he and Leonard hadn't talked since. And honestly, Leonard was perfectly okay with that. It's almost like he could forget. 

And what was even better, was when Joanna video called him at work. Sure, he was at work and shouldn't have been taking calls like that, but he'd sacrifice anything to talk to his daughter. 

"Jo-Jo! How are you?!" Leonard smiled brightly, feeling happier than he had since the last time he saw her. 

"I'm great, dad!" Joanna laughed happily. She was beautiful, just like her mother. Lucky her, she barely got anything from Leonard. "How are YOU?" 

"I'm... I'm okay, honey." Leonard said, trying to keep his smile. "So how's your mother? She still doin' good?" 

"Uh-huh! She got a new boyfriend. He's actually pretty nice." She said, still smiling. "But he ain't gonna replace you, daddy." Leonard grinned at that. Joanna was a pretty good kid. 

"I'm glad, honey. How's school goin'? You still friends with uh, what's-her-face?" 

"Yes, Cecilia!" Joanna laughed. "But she only spends time with her boyfriend now, so lately I've been hanging out with Sarah." Leonard nodded. 

"Ah, boyfriends. You have one yet?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"No!" Joanna said a little too quickly, so Leonard gave her The Look. "Well, there is someone I like... Can we please not talk about that right now?" Leonard laughed and nodded. "Hey... How about you? You got any girlfriend?" 

"Nah, I'm the same as ever..." Leonard sighed, not even considering telling her about his bond with Spock. "I was seeing one of my nurses for a while, though. She's a pretty nice lady, but we... didn't work out." 

"Oh. Well, I hope you find someone soon." Joanna said, looking hesitant. "You know, dad. I really want you to be happy again. And even though we can't talk much, I know you. You never open up to anyone! Please try, dad." Leonard looked at her pleading eyes and smiled. 

"I know, honey. I know." He opened his mouth to say more, but there was a knock on his doorway. Spock was standing there, so Leonard turned back to the screen. "Hey, I got a patient I need to take care of." He smiled sadly. 

"No! I wanted to talk longer!" Joanna complained, and Leonard sighed. 

"Alright... Christine!" Leonard called out, and she immediately popped up next to Spock in the doorway. He beckoned her over. "Hey, can you entertain Joanna while I talk to him?" Leonard asked, and Christine nodded. 

"Yes! I've always wanted to meet her!" Christine said excitedly, and she sat in Leonard's chair. He walked over to Spock, appreciating how excitedly Christine was talking to his daughter. 

"Watcha need?" Leonard asked, crossing his arms. Spock hesitated. 

"Doctor, I had wished to discuss our..." Spock paused, then lowered his voice considerably. "Our bond. There is no point in postponing such a discussion." Leonard scowled at the floor. 

"Yeah, I guess not." He sighed, and looked at the wall where he threw his coffee mug. There was a small mark there. "Meet me in my quarters in a half an hour." 

"I had anticipated that Joanna would want to speak with you longer than that." Spock said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Thanks for carin', but honestly, I'm tired and she has school tomorrow. As much as I love talkin' to her, we got years for that." Leonard said, and Spock nodded. 

"May I... wait in here while the two of you converse?" Spock asked. Leonard very deeply wanted to send him away, but he had an "impression" that Spock very deeply wanted to stay. He sighed deeply and gestured towards the chair opposite where Christine was sitting. He walked back over to his desk and put his hand on Christine's shoulder. She smiled at him and said goodbye to Joanna, and he took her place. 

"Thanks Christine." He smiled at her, and she nodded and left. He'd be lying if he said he didn't still have have some feelings for her. 

"Hey daddy!" Joanna smiled. "Was that the lady that you were seein'?" Leonard shifted in his chair, uncomfortable with Spock sitting across from him (and staring at him, no less). 

"Yeah, she was." He yawned, tapping his finger on his desk. He could have killed for some nice coffee right then. Really killed. Spock got out of his chair, but Leonard ignored him. 

"She was really nice. And pretty." Joanna said, blushing. That made Leonard smile. There was a sound in the background, and Joanna said, "Mom's home. It sounds like she brought her boyfriend too." Leonard nodded, then he thought of something. 

"Hey, honey, do any of Jocelyn's boyfriends ever... you know... mistreat you?" Leonard asked seriously, and Joanna's eyes got wide. 

"No! Never! I don't really meet them that often. I try to stay in my room most of the time." She said, and Leonard nodded. A mug appeared in front of him, and Spock sat back down. The mug had hot coffee in it, and Leonard frowned at Spock. The Vulcan just stared back at him. 

"That's good." Leonard drank some of the coffee, and immediately felt better. "I had to ask." He smiled at her. 

They talked for the next forty-five minutes, before he and Spock made their way back to his quarters. Leonard felt a little bad for making Spock sit through almost an hour of him obsessing over his daughter, but he was the one that wanted to be there in the first place. He felt much better after drinking the coffee, he almost forgot why they were even going to his quarters together in the first place. Until they actually got there, and Spock started talking. 

"First, do you have any questions about the bond?" Spock asked, and Leonard shrugged, getting himself a glass of whiskey. He saw Spock eyeing the alcohol, but thank god didn't say anything. 

"I wouldn't really know what to ask. I don't know what it means. I ain't as Vulcan savvy as M'Benga." Leonard said, drinking some whiskey. There was a pretty deep burn, but he was used to it. Spock swallowed hardly and cleared his throat. 

"Perhaps the most important thing applicable to the both of us," Spock said, visibly uncomfortable, "is that we can feel each other's pain. It is not quite the same pain as when you feel it yourself, however." At Leonard's confused look, Spock walked to the table and slapped it with his hand. Leonard flinched, and grasped his own hand. He could feel the pain, but he knew that it wasn't really there. He just KNEW that it was Spock's, somehow. 

"Alright..." Leonard said, putting his hand against the icy drink. "What else?" He was kind of regretting this conversation. 

"We are aware of each other's emotions, if they are strong enough." Spock said, and Leonard nodded. "However, I am much more susceptible to your emotions and impressions than you are mine. For example, I felt your desire for coffee, but you cannot feel my desires." Leonard nodded again. So that's how Spock knew he wanted coffee earlier. "Also, since our minds are linked by the bond, our actions can sometimes be... duplicated." 

At that, Leonard frowned. Did that mean that he could be controlled? He didn't like the sound of that. "Example?" He asked, and Spock nodded. 

"If I thought of carrying out an action, but did not, you might do the action instead. It would not be carried out by either of us, however, if we did not desire it. For example..." Spock stopped talking, and Leonard almost knocked his whiskey out of his own hand. He raised an eyebrow at Spock. "I am perfectly willing to remove the beverage from your hand, but I did not. You did not want to knock it out of your hand, but you did feel the desire to." Leonard frowned again. This was getting complicated. 

"I assure you that it will not take too much of an impact on your daily life, as you have been living somewhat normally with the bond for some time now." Spock said, and that comforted Leonard a tiny bit. 

"Okay. What else?" Leonard asked, drinking some more of his whiskey. He noticed Spock's discomfort at the burn this time, and smirked. This MIGHT just be fun. He threw back the rest, and took an evil pleasure in Spock's dirty look. 

"There is nothing else at this moment," Spock said, and Leonard gave him The Look. 

"Right now? What's that s'posed to mean?" He asked. 

"It means, that if you wish to finish rooting the bond in our minds, there will be more effects. If you choose that course of action, however, there would be no turning back." Spock said, sounding rather ominous. Leonard scoffed. 

"Yeah, not likely to happen, I'm fine with this." Leonard said, and sat down on the couch. "Is that it? Can we go back to our daily lives now? Can we start seein' other people again?" 

"No." Spock said, and walked closer to him. "I cannot allow you to start 'seeing other people.' Such a thing would cause me to feel... much anger." Leonard scowled at him, but he could feel hints of Spock's anger through the bond. It made him angry. Not that Spock's anger was making him feel angry, he was angry because of the bond. It was all just incredibly inconvenient. "Ideally, we would form a relationship, as is Vulcan custom. However, I know that you are opposed to that idea, so I will not ask that of you." Leonard nodded. At least Spock could respect that. "I will ask that we... not 'see' other people. Also, I would much appreciate it if we were to spend at least twenty minutes with each other every day- not including meals or anything dictated by work." 

Leonard hesitated at that, but then he realized that it wasn't that much to ask. Twenty minutes a day? That wasn't too bad. "Okay, fine. Is that all?" He looked up at the Vulcan, who nodded. 

"I will let you retire for tonight." Spock said, walking to the door. "I will see you tomorrow." He left, and Leonard leaned back on the couch and sighed. This was going to be a major pain in his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking suggestions for their twenty minute play dates. I'll give you credit for the idea, if you do. :)


	5. If Wishes Were Fishes

Leonard made it most of the day without much happening. He treated a few sick people, some boys from engineering that were horsing around, and some other little things. The day was perfectly normal, and he appreciated it. That is, until Christine (awkwardly) told him that he was needed in one of the surgery rooms. 

He feared the worst, but when he walked into the room Christine, he saw that it was a woman he did not know. A woman, and... oh god, not again. 

"Doctor, I can explain-" The woman tried, but Leonard shook his head. 

"No explanation necessary." Leonard tried to offer a smile, but he felt kind of awkward in that situation. "Let's just get it out, shall we? Strip off your pants and lower undergarments, and I'll join you again in a couple of minutes." The woman nodded, so Leonard left her. Christine stifled her smile until they got outside. 

"God, that's embarrassing, poor girl." She said as she joined him in going to a cabinet. Leonard grabbed the elongated pliers. 

"Yeah, not the first time I've had to get a vibrator out of someone, though." Leonard sighed, going back to the room. They waited a bit before he knocked on the door and walked in. The girl was lying on the biobed, half naked, covering her eyes with her arm. Leonard could see her blushing. Poor girl. "Don't worry, now. Believe it or not, I've done this a few times. For patients, I mean. Not myself." He added, and the girl laughed. 

"You'll feel mild discomfort," Christine explained as Leonard put on his gloves and sanitized the tool. "But Dr. McCoy will make this as painless as possible. Don't worry, Miss Lena." Ah, so that was her name. He was wondering when Christine was going to tell him. He sat on a stool in front of Lena and used the tool to retrieve the vibrator. It was a simple process, and was finished in seconds. The vibrator was put into a bag, which Christine gave to the girl. She promptly turned it off, clearly embarrassed. 

"I'll keep this off the record," Leonard said, throwing his gloves in the trash, and Lena looked relieved. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again." He ordered, and she nodded. 

"Of course. Thank you, Doctor." She said, sitting up. Leonard nodded to her, and walked out of the room. Christine stayed, no doubt to make sure she was okay. Why girls always felt more comfortable around other girls when it came to medical issues, Leonard was lost. They all had enough extensive training to not give a damn if they were treating a man, woman, or anything in between. 

Leonard sighed and looked at his watch. Just a few minutes until he was off, thank goodness for him. He went back to his office and finished up his "paperwork" (like anything was done on actual paper these days), keeping his promise to not include anything anywhere about Lena's incident. Then when he was done with that, he walked off to go eat dinner. 

Dinner was (thankfully) normal, except for Jim whispering incessantly to Spock. It was annoying Leonard like emotion would annoy a Vulcan. To test out the bond, Leonard thought about how he strongly desired to punch Jim square in the jaw. Suddenly Spock looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. Leonard smirked at his soup. This could be fun if he really made it fun. He left it alone, though, and finished up his meal. 

When he got up to leave, Jim jumped up too. "I'll accompany you." He said, and they walked out together. "So, how's my baby?" Leonard stopped in his tracks, shocked. 

"Baby?! Is there something else you people ain't tellin' me about?!" He exclaimed, and Jim laughed. 

"No, the BOND, Bones." Jim said, and they continued walking. 

"Why in the hell're you callin' the bond your goddamn baby? This has nothing to do with you." Leonard said, and Jim had the audacity to look hurt. 

"Just answer the question!" He groaned. Leonard sighed in thought. 

"I don't know..." He said, not really knowing what to say. "We talked about it, and what it means. I guess the only thing we decided on was to spend twenty minutes together each day. And to not date other people. So nothing's really changed I guess, which is great." Jim nodded. 

"Not as great as I'd hoped, but it's something." He said, rubbing his hands together. It was silent for a while as they walked, until they got to Leonard's room. Jim clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Well, g'night Bones. Have fun on your date with Spock." Leonard scowled at him, making him laugh and walk away. Leonard just shook his head and walked into his quarters. Jim was such a child sometimes. He tried not to feel too disturbed over the fact that he considered his bond with Spock his _"baby,"_ but it was difficult to ignore. It kind of freaked him out. 

Leonard sat down on his couch, wondering what to do. He got up- even though he just sat down- and got some water from his personal replicator. He looked around the room for something to mess with, and spotted a nearby PADD that he loaded with some classic games some time ago. He got the idea from Jim, who often played the old Mario games on his own PADD when bored. They could do anything these days. 

He sat on the couch, opting to play Pac Man for a while. He was a little out of his element, though, since he died about 20 times before there was a knock on the door. He somehow knew it was Spock, so he said "Enter." The Vulcan walked in, holding his own PADD. Leonard wondered if they'd all survive if their beloved PADD's were taken away from them. "I'm not really entertaining," Leonard said as Spock sat down on the couch, a safe distance away. 

"I know," Spock said, and Leonard tried not to feel offended. "I brought my work with me, so that I may make better use of my time here." Leonard rolled his eyes- the Vulcan was ever the workaholic. He just continued playing Pac Man. "I trust your day went well?" 

"I suppose. It was really uneventful, until..." Leonard stopped himself. He probably shouldn't tell Spock about that little incident. Or did it really matter? Spock was the one that asked, and he didn't want to be boring. "Well, I had to remove a vibrator from a poor young woman today. That's pretty much all that happened." 

"A... vibrator?" Spock asked, and Leonard froze. 

"You don't know what a vibrator is?" Leonard asked, trying to be serious. Spock shook his head, working on his PADD. Leonard stifled a chuckle. "Well, it's a small vibrating device that many women use to... _stimulate_ themselves. Actually, I guess men use them too, but not typically in the same way." It was Spock's turn to freeze. 

"I see." He replied, continuing his work. "Does such an incident happen... often?" 

"Yeah, unfortunately." Leonard shrugged. "I've had a few men and women come in with those problems. Just a part of life, I suppose." He said, and Spock stayed silent. He suddenly started to panic. "I mean, I've never had anything like that happen to _ME_ before, I've just had to deal with it at work. I don't even associate with those things." He added awkwardly, and drank some of his water. That caused him to die on his game, though. 

"I understand." Spock said, quietly. "It was an overall uneventful day for you, then?" 

"Yeah, it was. How about you?" Leonard asked, starting a new game. 

They talked about Spock's day and his discoveries with those herbs he found on that desert planet for the next fifteen minutes. When the time was up, Spock thanked Leonard and left. He didn't really know why the Vulcan thanked him, but he tried to ignore what it might mean. All he did was make small talk, for God's sake. He thought that Vulcans hated things like small talk, but Spock seemed to have enjoyed it. But well, who really ever knew with Spock? 

Leonard went to bed, feeling more tired than he had in a long time. 

\---

A few days passed, with their daily twenty minute meetings going on normally. The Enterprise spent much time transporting cargo and doing little tasks for the time period. Jim kept his spirits up, though. It helped keep Leonard's spirits up too, until one day when he realized why the date on his office calendar stood out to him so much. It was the day he killed his father. The day his father begged and begged him to take him off of life support. 

He was sour throughout the rest of the day, sighing twice as much as usual, and barely touching any of his meals. When people asked him what was wrong, he just barked at them about having to deal with dumb ensigns all day. He never really told anybody about his dad- not even Jim. He loved the man (as a brother), but he wasn't about to go on spouting his dark past to him. It just wasn't something that he was ever willing to do. 

Leonard skipped dinner, since he wasn't hungry anyway, and found some nice rec room that nobody used. It was practically just a lounging space with a big window to look at the stars in the distance. A lot like an observation deck, only it wasn't for some reason. Leonard didn't really care anyway. He found a replicator and got an alcoholic drink, and sat down on a couch that faced the window. He sat back and relaxed, wondering how many years would go by before he got over what happened with his dad. Then he wondered if he ever would get over it. 

He drank in peace for a while, and felt himself losing track of time. He was getting pretty buzzed from the alcohol, but he kept drinking. The door behind him opened, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Spock was them beside him, sitting next to him on the couch. Leonard just poured himself more alcohol and drank it right down, even though he knew it was a recipe for disaster. They were silent for a while, Spock thankfully not trying to intervene. 

Out of nowhere, Leonard blurted out, "I killed him." He couldn't see Spock's reaction, since he was staring out the window, but he could easily guess that he didn't show any expression. "My dad was diagnosed with pyrrhoneuritis, and was in extreme pain for three months. It was so hard to watch. He was so thin, and always tired. Even the strongest pain killers became no match for the disease. He _begged_ and _begged_ me to pull the plug and end his pain." Leonard swallowed, and wiped away a tear before it came. He swore the alcohol was working on him. Spock still didn't say anything, so he continued. 

"One day, I finally gave in. I pulled the plug." Leonard's voice broke, and he took a breath. "A few weeks later, they found a cure for the disease. Just a couple goddamn _weeks..._ If I hadn't just..." He put his glass on the floor, and rested his head in his hands. He wasn't crying, but his cool hands felt nice on his face. "On this day, years ago, I killed him. And I've regretted it ever since." 

"Leonard," Spock said, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it away. "I grieve with thee." At that, Leonard laughed cruelly. 

"You could never. You don't even feel any goddamn thing, you heartless green bastard." He stood up and stumbled across the room, trying to get back to his quarters. He wondered if he should just jump off this ship and finally join his parents- apologize to his dad for everything. When he got to the door, there was another hand on his shoulder. 

"Leonard." It was more demanding this time. Leonard growled, whipped around and punched Spock in the jaw. Only when he saw the Vulcan put a hand on his green cheek did he realize what a mistake he made. But like the coward he was, he turned and ran. He ran all the way back to his room, and couldn't sleep a wink all night. 

\---

Throughout work the next day, Leonard was growing more and more put out about what happened the night before. He had noticeable bags under his eyes, his hair was slightly messy, and he just looked like utter shit. Internally, he was no better. And the fact that he could feel the emotion and know that it was Spock's made it even worse. He wished that he could just turn back time so that never would have happened. Any of it. If wishes were fishes... 

He needed to apologize. He knew it, too, but he was just too nervous about it. Leonard was kind of afraid that Spock would hit him back if he even tried. But he knew that he needed to say he was sorry. He paced his office, rubbing a hand over his face. He wished he could blame it on the alcohol, but frankly, he had wanted to hit the Vulcan ever since he told him that they slept together. It was only a matter of time, really, but that didn't make it any better. He needed some way to apologize, though. They needed to meet. But Spock hadn't shown up for any meals that day, and they only had dinner left. Dinnertime did NOT need any more drama than he already got. There had to be a way. 

Ah! The bond! That's right, he could just... But would it be right of him? To use the thing he hated to apologize to the guy he shared it with? What else could he do, though? He couldn't comm the man, it just felt... very wrong. That's it. He, very delicately, decided on his desire to meet Spock in his office before dinner. And if that didn't work, then... then he'd wait. And keep waiting. Damn. 

So he did wait. Leonard continued pacing his office, waiting for him. Waiting for anything, really. A thought, an impression, a... something. Hell he didn't know how these things worked! As he paced, he wondered if he was going a bit too far. Yes, he felt guilty about punching the guy, that was a given. But what he taking it too far, wanting to meet him in his office so that he could try to be formal about it? It's not like he LIKED the guy in a romantic way, it was clearly platonic. Spock didn't even like him like that either, he hoped. So there was no point in worrying about that. Leonard didn't think he would ever even feel anything romantic for a guy, nonetheless Spock of all people. It just wasn't in him. Right? 

Leonard was so deep in thought that he didn't realize someone had come in until the door closed. He jumped, and looked to see Spock standing there, hands behind his back. He looked a bit more pissed off than usual, and there was an ugly bruise below his left cheek. Leonard stepped closer to him, and was overwhelmed with guilt when he saw how hard he must have punched Spock. He swallowed with much difficulty, and opened his mouth to speak. Then he closed it. Had he even been thinking this through?! 

"I'm sorry." Leonard said, then winced when he realized that he had just said THAT of all things. "You deserve more than that. And I'm sorry for that too. You were only trying to help me, and I was a jerk. An asshole. You came to me when I was low and all I did was hit you. It was extremely wrong of me, and I can see that I completely overstepped and overreacted in the worst way." Leonard looked Spock in the eyes, despite himself. "Look, what I'm trying to say is, I really am sorry for hitting you, and for saying those things. I know you have emotions. I can feel them sometimes. And it warms me to say that." Leonard clenched his mouth shut, realizing that he just said he was _warm_ because he could feel Spock's emotions. WARM. What a dumbass he was. "I'm really sorry, Spock." Leonard said finally, and decided to shut up then. 

Out of nowhere, Spock held out his hand, his expression not changed. Leonard looked at the hand skeptically, but cleared his mind and put his hand on it. He didn't want the touch-telepath invading him. What Spock did, though, shocked him. Spock raised Leonard's hand to his bruise, and breathed deeply. Leonard felt kind of vandalized for a moment before Spock let go of his hand. Leonard blinked. The bruise was still there, but considerably less green. It looked like it... _healed._

"But?" Leonard was at a loss for words and Spock backed towards the door. 

"Did I not mention it?" Spock asked, turning around and exiting the room. Leonard promptly followed him. 

"No, you did not mention anything like that!" He exclaimed. What in the hell just happened? They walked towards the mess. 

"Your emotions are rather infectious, when in extremes, Leonard." Spock said, facing forward as he walked. Leonard frowned at him. 

"What do you mean? And since when do you call me by my first name?!" He asked, shaken up by everything that just happened. His hand was just used for Vulcan voodoo! What the hell?! 

"I mean that if you were to be more guilty about hitting me, I would have felt enough guilt to fill a room." Spock said, and Leonard noticed the figurative language. Or was it figurative? "I have started calling you Leonard, since you have started feeling it necessary to do as you wish to me." Spock added, and Leonard felt a pang of guilt again. Spock stopped them in the middle of the hallway. "You were in grief. I admit that I should not have crossed your boundaries in such a situation. Please refrain from feeling more guilt, and direct your attitude to something more productive." With that, they continued on to dinner. 

Jim absolutely freaked out when he saw both of their faces, but neither of them offered any explanation. They'd tell him some other time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I actually had no idea how vibrators are actually medically removed, but I had to include the idea in there.   
> Still taking suggestions for their 20 minute "bonding" time. It's a limited time offer!   
> Thank you for reading! :)


	6. But he's a guy?!

Leonard's days passed "normally" over the next couple of weeks. Spock came to his quarters and they worked together for twenty minutes before departing. Leonard didn't really see much point in doing it, but it kept the Vulcan quiet, so he suffered through it. Jim kept bothering the both of them on the progress of his "baby," but they never really had anything to tell him. Things were just... going. And it was nice. 

But then, things are never nice and swell for long on the Enterprise. 

When he felt an intense pain in his abdomen, it was enough to make him bend over in pain and groan loudly. He felt like a knife had slashed along his torso, resulting in a horrific pain. Christine rushed to him. 

"Leonard! What's wrong?!" She frantically asked, helping him sit down on a nearby chair. 

"It's not..." Leonard heard himself talking before he realized it, and then the revelation came. "It's not me!" Recovered from the initial pain (but still hurting), he ran to a biobed to prep it. "Christine! I need..." He was lost for words, his mind working frantically. Suddenly, hands grabbed his shoulders and swung him around. Christine's big, round eyes bore into him. 

"Is it Spock?" She asked in a soft, soothing voice. Leonard nodded rapidly. His comm went off, and Christine answered it before he could even move. She spoke, but he couldn't think. He couldn't feel. He just stood there, helpless. 

As soon as he saw the unconscious Vulcan laid out on the biobed, it was like Leonard just snapped. Suddenly he was in action, barking out orders and working on Spock with the equipment, and his nurses worked rapidly along with him. Leonard felt as though all his many years of medical training were defined by this moment. Minutes passed like hours, but he felt like time was racing by him. If he was being honest with himself, he never felt more confused in his life. And yet after what seemed like days, Christine said that they were finished with the procedure, and he knew that he could only rely on the Vulcan voodoo for the rest. 

When Leonard became more aware of himself and his surroundings, he realized that he had been staring at Spock (alone) for the past twenty minutes. The Vulcan was in his voodoo healing trance, and Leonard couldn't do anything about it. He felt so worthless right then. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he thought it was Christine until he looked over. Jim stood next to him. 

"You did good." Jim said, nodding to himself. "He's been in worse shape than this, Bones, you know it. He'll be fine." 

"Who said I was worried?" Leonard retorted, realizing how he must seem right now. "Of course he'll be fine. I'M his doctor." Jim snorted. 

"Anyway," he said, "turns out that our diplomatic mission didn't turn out so well. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it. In the end, we all came to an agreement. But as we were leaving, some deranged man came up and started attacking us. Evidentially they were some rebel isolationist group of some sort." Jim sighed, rubbing his eyes. "The queen of the planet told us that her people would handle the rebels, and that we should leave before anything worse happened. I was thankful, but I'm worried about those people down there." Leonard nodded. He could understand that. "We're not leaving orbit until I've heard good news from the queen. I don't want to leave these people while they could still need our help." 

Jim clapped Leonard on the back before he could reply, and he gave his captain a scowl. Jim just grinned and said, "Glad to know my baby will be okay." Leonard glared and opened his mouth to yell at him about bigger problems at hand, but Jim beat him to it. "I'm more happy that Spock'll be okay, though. He may be an ass sometimes, but he's a bitchin' First Officer." 

"Yeah. I guess he is..." Leonard replied quietly, looking at the still-breathing body on the biobed. Jim's comm went off, and after a few seconds he turned back to him. 

"Time to talk to some ass-chewers." Jim smiled at Leonard again and waved. 

"Good luck, Jim." Leonard said, smiling at the man's retreating form. He walked over to Spock, and looked at the wound. He guessed that one of the rebels slashed him. It was a long, jagged, and very deep cut along his lower torso. Leonard grabbed a couple extra blankets and covered him with them. He gave one last look at the sleeping Vulcan before pulling the curtains around the biobed and going back to his office. 

Leonard tried to do some work- he really did. He just couldn't focus. He'd like to think that this happened every time a fatally injured person was in his care, but he knew that there were only a few exceptions. Jim, Spock, Christine, and the rest of his friends were all he really worried about. There was nothing he could do about that, though. How he felt when Jim got hurt probably outmatched every other injury he'd ever had to deal with (not including his dad). Except for now, with Spock out there. The man had lost a lot of blood, but he was fine. And yet Leonard was still overreacting about it. He didn't know if it was because he'd actually been hanging out with Spock or because he shared a mind with the man, or maybe it was both. They were closer than they had ever cared to be before. 

Christine knocked on his door and told him that she was finished for the day. He thanked her for her work, and looked at the clock. Time was quickly going by. He was technically off shift, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Leonard decided he would just ask M'Benga if he could take his shift. He doubted the man would let him, but it was worth a try. 

When M'Benga came to his office, he smiled. "You're still here? Worried about the Commander?" M'Benga asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. 

"He's my friend. I wanna make sure he's fine." Leonard retorted, not at all feeling defensive. "Let me take this shift." He said and M'Benga laughed. 

"Not a chance, McCoy. That'd be detrimental to your health, after all." M'Benga said, and studied Leonard's glare. "I won't bother you if you decide to stay here, though. I imagine you have some more work to be done." His eyes flickered over, and Leonard picked up what he was putting down. So M'Benga was giving him an excuse to stay, as long as he didn't actually do any real work. He was fine with that. 

"I suppose I might." Leonard grumbled, standing and grabbing a PADD. He passed by M'Benga, ignoring the man's smirk. Leonard thought that M'Benga would be more stoic having studied on Vulcan for so long, but no. The man always irritated him. He carried his PADD to Spock's biobed and went behind the curtains. He sat down on a chair next to the bed and tried working on the PADD. There wasn't too much he could do. Look through files, check for messages, hell he even started writing a goddamn article to pass the time. It wouldn't have been the first time he did that, but it was a useless attempt. He couldn't get more than two pages done before he gave up. He was still feeling useless. 

"Leonard," he almost threw his PADD when he heard that, and his head snapped up to see Spock looking at him. Leonard stood up frantically. 

"I need to scan you for-" he barely made out before Spock grabbed his wrist. 

"I apologize. Had I been awake for the procedure, you could have been able to help me further." Spock said, and Leonard glared at him and pulled his wrist away. He didn't want him reading his mind.

"I'm glad you weren't awake." Leonard said, thinking about how much pain the Vulcan would've been in if he was conscious. Also, he wouldn't have wanted Spock to see him so out of it like he had been. "Are you done healin' yourself? It hasn't been that long." 

"I am finished, for now." Spock replied, then looked him up and down. Leonard glared again. "You need sleep. With the knowledge of my well-being, it is illogical for you to idle here and ignore your own health." 

"Yeah, well, I probably wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried. I'm stayin'. And I ain't worried about your well-being. I'm just..." Leonard paused, wondering what WAS holding him back from leaving. "I'm just not tired." He decided and nodded. He sat back down in his chair. Spock eyed him, but said nothing else on the subject. 

Spock sat up, to Leonard's mild dismay, and straightened out the shirt that one of the nurses had shoved on him earlier. "May I be discharged now?" He asked, folding his hands in his hands. He just looked so goddamn proper. Then the curtains ruffled from behind Leonard, and M'Benga's dark form appeared. 

"I'll take that as my cue." He said, examining Spock. "I kicked McCoy off duty, so I'll take over from here." Leonard stood to his level and glared him down.

"Have you been listening this whole time?!" Leonard asked, getting angry at that damn doctor. M'Benga, however, hardly reacted as he continued his examination. 

"Of course not." He replied calmly. "You just talk loud when you get emotional. Either that, or you grumble so people barely hear you." Leonard's glare went deeper. 

"I don't do that!" He said loudly, and M'Benga rose both his eyebrows and smirked at him. Even Spock raised an amused eyebrow. Leonard sighed, having enough of this. "Is he good to go or what?" M'Benga hesitated. 

"Well..." He trailed off, and Leonard frowned at him. Not angry, but in thought. What could have gone wrong? There was a cut, and it was fixed. Unless something else happened on that planet? M'Benga showed him a PADD that modeled Spock's brain activity. It was moving, so he wondered just when and where he got that. At one place, M'Benga paused it, and Leonard looked closer. Certain parts of the brain lit up. Simple things, like emotional responses and endorphin release. He wondered what was so important about that. M'Benga pointed to the time on the screen. It displayed the same time right around when he went in to sit next to Spock. So? 

Still frowning, Leonard looked over at Spock. He was waiting patiently, and rose a questioning eyebrow. He looked back at M'Benga, who just smiled at him. That bastard was just trying to prove a point! Leonard scowled and said lowly, "You son of a bi-" 

"You're good to go, Spock!" M'Benga said as if nothing had just happened. "No major movement for another day or so, try not to stretch the wounded area too much, and get your rest. You should be fine in no time." With that, he just left. That bastard. Spock uncovered himself and swung his legs over the bed. Leonard shook his head when the Vulcan stood up with no problem. Goddamn Vulcan voodoo. 

"I'll accompany you to your quarters," Leonard said before he even thought about it. He almost regretted it, but decided that it would be a nice thing to help a friend out. Even if said friend was a Vulcan who hardly ever was too injured or ill to do anything. Spock nodded, and they exited Sickbay together. He could feel M'Benga's eyes boring into him as they left. 

Thankfully, Spock didn't ask about what M'Benga showed him on the PADD. It was extremely bothersome information, if Leonard was being honest. He didn't want to think about that sort of thing right now. He was fine with just walking with Spock through the halls in silence. There wasn't anything to talk about anyway. Well, that was actually a major lie considering recent events, but Leonard could dream. Dream of a simple life where no one ever asked "why" or "how" or anything like that. 

Once they arrived at Spock's quarters, they stopped and looked at each other. Leonard had a sudden desire to hug the man, but he immediately warded that off. He didn't even know where that thought came from. It must not have come from him. He looked Spock in the eyes, feeling nervous. The hobgoblin wasn't going to try anything, was he? Leonard cleared his throat awkwardly and said, "Well, goodnight. And uh, follow M'Benga's instructions. Rest good. Eat healthy." 

"Goodnight, Leonard." Spock nodded once, and left into his quarters. 

When Leonard got back to his own room and was laying in bed, he couldn't get certain thoughts out of his mind. The emotions, the endorphins, the desire to hug, Spock's use of his first name. Did Spock actually, in every sense of the word, like him? Did Spock even swing that way in the first place? Leonard never did. He was always into the traditional ways, where a man would come home to a woman and their two children, and everything would be swell. But it wasn't like that. It was different. He was practically stuck with a man. He would never, ever have that great simple life of sharing a life with a sweet, gentle woman. He would've done just fine with Christine. He could probably marry her! Wouldn't be worse than his first marriage. 

But he knew he was chained to Spock. He probably never understood the saying "The old ball n' chain" more than he did now. So what would he do with that? What COULD he do with that? He couldn't just flip a switch and automatically like men. It didn't work that way.

Leonard suddenly thought of That Night, Spock's memories having unlocked a few of his own. Sure it was rough and rushed and violent, but there were nice times too. It lasted about an hour if he remembered right. A whole goddamn hour. That was a lot of stamina. But he remembered how during that hour they'd just caress each other, or whisper (slurred) things in each other's ears. He remembered how they fell asleep tangled up together, and how it didn't even matter that they were covered in all kinds of bodily fluids. He couldn't decide if it was a good memory or a horrible nightmare. 

Leonard knew now that Spock actually did like him. But what could he do? Spock wasn't a female, and probably never would be. But then again, did it matter? Something about how they slept tangled up together without a care in the world That Night was just... refreshing. Warming. It was just nice. To think about how they just accepted it without a second thought. 

But then, they were drunk. And people did stupid things when they were drunk. 

Leonard just didn't know what to think. He rolled over, and hoped that he could get a few hours of sleep in before he had to get up again. His mind just wouldn't stop working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At one point I accidentally typed Spock as "Snork." 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and kudos are loved with all my heart and soul.


	7. Poker!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the very short chapter. I ran into quite the block before finishing this. I think I'm back on track, though.

If there was an award for avoiding Vulcans, Leonard was pretty sure he could win that with no problem. Not only was he motivated to avoid the man, he also had his excuses. By means of excuses, he had work where he occupied himself in his office even after there wasn't even anymore work to be done. Then when it was too boring for him to even sit at his desk without slamming his head against it, he'd slip back to his quarters to retire for the night. But then Jim always had to come and mess with his peaceful life. 

"Jim, if you're here to ask about your goddamn baby again, you're gonna get it." Leonard said as soon as Jim walked into his quarters. They had agreed to hang out, but Leonard had the creeping suspicion that the captain was up to something. Like always. 

"What, I can't hang out with you anymore?" Jim acted appalled as he sat next to Leonard on the couch. He grabbed a drink of the bourbon that had been laid out, and took a drink of it. "Man, ever since you guys made the baby, we haven't really been hanging out much."

"Spock did it, not me." Leonard grimaced and leaned back against the couch. He almost shivered in his t-shirt, reasoning that the Enterprise was always so cold. Jim snorted.

"Right, you had no part in that at _all_." Jim smiled and took another drink. Leonard opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted. "Anyway, let's play chess or something." 

"Jim, I ain't Spock. I don't get too much enjoyment over putting things on little squares." Leonard said and grabbed himself some bourbon. "How 'bout a movie?" Jim nodded, and Leonard set them up with some classic choices. As per Jim's request, they started watching Mission Impossible. He couldn't get over the weird feeling that Benji looked a _lot_ like Scotty, though. Maybe they were related somehow. 

They had a good old time, until eventually the movie was over, and things were awkwardly silent. Jim started bouncing his leg up and down, so Leonard knew something had to be up. As if reading his mind, Jim said casually, "So there's poker tonight. We should go." 

"Poker? Go?" Leonard scoffed. He hasn't played poker in quite a while. "Sure." Jim looked relieved. Which kind of worried Leonard more, but he ignored it. 

After all, there was nothing to worry about. All their friends would be there. Spock wouldn't be there, since he didn't appreciate gambling like humans did. Which wasn't really surprising, since even Leonard could see the illogic in it. He'd lost all his money enough times to know that it was a bad idea to play. 

But it sure was fun as hell. 

When they got to the room where they usually met to play poker, Leonard stopped in his tracks when he met eyes with Spock. He wasn't supposed to be here! He almost turned and ran, but Spock's almost menacing look made him stop. Jim smirked and sat down at the table, the only empty seat being next to Spock. He wanted to punch Jim in his goddamn smug face. He sat down next to the Vulcan, and the rest of the table greeted him warmly. 

"Nice to see you again, McCoy." Sulu said, dealing out the cards and giving Leonard and Jim some chips. "Work keeping you from us, or do you just not like us anymore?" Of course the man had the audacity to look hurt. Leonard almost sighed. 

"Yeah, I've mainly just been trying to avoid you, Sulu." Leonard grumbled, but Sulu just laughed and everyone went on playing. It was just him, Jim, Spock, Sulu and Uhura. Scotty was usually there, but Leonard knew that Engineering had a minor explosion due to a miscommunication with some ensigns. If he had even a nickel for all the Engineering mishaps he'd have to deal with, he'd be a rich man. 

Looking down at his cards, he saw that he had the makings of a pretty good hand. He looked to see Spock playing too. Which really wasn't fair, since he'd be the best at bluffing. Why would he even play in the first place? He felt like all of this was happening just to piss him off. Maybe God really did hate him for killing his da-

Spock jabbed an elbow into his side, almost making him wince. The Vulcan seemed a lot more aggressive than usual, and Leonard almost feared for his life. That is, when he realized that he had a royal flush going on. He schooled his face as he felt the immense joy inside of him. He raised the bid, earning a few glances. A royal flush so early on in the game?! Maybe his night wouldn't be so bad! 

At the end, when all had folded except for Leonard and Uhura, the tension was high. They lowered their cards, Leonard with the royal flush and Uhura with a full house. Uhura smiled at him and leaned back in her chair. "I was close, but no cigar. Nice hand, Leonard." Leonard nodded at her and smiled. He took the big pool of chips that had accumulated, feeling quite triumphant. Yes, this is exactly what he needed to get back on his feet. 

The game went on for another hour or so, everybody winning some games- even Spock won quite a few. It had to be his straight face. In any case, it was nice to be with the rest of his friends again, gathered in one place. Just being around them lifted his spirits a little bit. 

All things came to an end, though, and they all departed. Spock, for reasons Leonard was quite apprehensive to think about, followed he and Jim. The Vulcan walked quietly behind the two, which probably freaked Leonard out more. He was just feeling so goddamn paranoid. For once, he thanked god for Jim's rambling.

"I mean, all I want is a little shore leave on a little planet with plenty of people there willing to have a little fun. Honestly, man, I'm just a little lonely." Jim mumbled, staring off into the distance as they walked. Leonard rolled his eyes. Damn horny bastard. He really needed to grow up. "I guess I'm just not cut out for this whole abstinence thing. Maybe I need a... a friend. Hey, Uhura's single now, right? I could just-"

"Jim." Leonard said, not realizing that he was going to. Spock must've tried real hard not to intervene by now. Leonard was fine that he was the one who ended up saying it, though. "That's enough." Jim was about to be offended, but Leonard rushed to the door to his quarters and opened it. He sighed, knowing that he was going to have to face the music sooner or later. "Goodnight, Jim." He said, and didn't close the door behind him. 

Spock walked in and shut the door, leaving Jim and the outside world behind. Leonard took a deep breath and faced him, standing a meter or two away. "Look-"

"You have been avoiding me." Spock demanded, completely interrupting Leonard. He glared at the Vulcan. "We had agreed on a daily twenty minute period where we-"

"I was afraid, Spock, okay?" Leonard said, resisting the urge to pour himself some nice cold Romulan Ale. His heart started thumping in his chest, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He laughed at himself and sat down on the couch. He felt like he was going crazy. Spock stood there, looking stern still. When all was silent, Leonard scowled at him and said, "I was afraid that you'd make a move on me." At that, Spock's features softened. 

"I suppose that fear is not too... irrational." Spock admitted. For once in the Vulcan's life, he looked visibly defeated. Leonard almost felt bad for the guy. "While I will not deny that my feelings for you are quite consuming, I had not planned to act upon them without your upmost consent." Spock said, and Leonard let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. While they were being all honest, he might as well ask...

"And uh, not like it matters much, but I wanted to know something." Leonard said, wiping his moist hands on his pants. "You dated Uhura, but now you're interested in me. So I was wondering if you... what your..." Leonard was at a loss at how to ask, since he'd never really HAD to ask someone this before. With Jim, it was as obvious as the naked quarterback escaping their room right before Leonard walked in. 

"Long ago, a policy was established among Vulcan- it was simply 'Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.' Under that policy, all relationships and lifestyles were to be tolerated. While it was not quite evolutionarily beneficial, the inevitability of homosexual tendencies among the minority became somewhat accepted in Vulcan culture. However..." Spock stopped, and Leonard swallowed hard. "My father will not be delighted." Leonard processed the information. Homosexual tendencies, huh? That made it sound like a phase, even though he knew that's not what Spock meant. 

"So it's quite common?" Leonard guessed, and Spock looked pretty uncomfortable, for a Vulcan. 

"... No." Spock said, looking away. "A homosexual bond has not been known of in my lifetime. Nor my father's, as far as I am aware." Leonard immediately felt himself go soft, despite himself. Here was a half-Vulcan, not accepted anywhere, who was now bonded with a man. How he could be any more diverse, Leonard had no clue. 

Spock was silent, and Leonard just stared at him. His doctor's eyes spotted the man's fatigue, the tiny cut on his hand which he probably got from working in the science lab, but most of all, his posture. He seemed so open to him. The last time he had been like that was... That Night. It all seemed very odd, honestly. Leonard looked into the Vulcan's brown eyes and he felt fourteen again- his heart fluttering, face heating up, feeling warm, feeling... happy? He glared at the Vulcan, who was simply staring back at him. 

Leonard cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well. I won't avoid you anymore. Glad we got things cleared up. So uh," he scratched the back of his neck. He was really, really uncomfortable now. What was he doing?! "We can just continue our daily lives tomorrow, with our usual twenty minute thing." Spock nodded to him. "So, goodnight, then." Leonard said, nodding back. 

"Goodnight, Leonard." Spock replied, and exited the room. Leonard breathed out. Something was very, very wrong with him. 

He didn't _like_ Spock. Did he? He cared about him, he couldn't deny that. But... could he really, actually be with him in a _romantic_ way? He almost cringed at the thought of Spock being all lovey dovey with him. But then again, he was a Vulcan. For once that could be taken to his benefit. He wouldn't think that a Vulcan could be very sappy with their relationships. They were much too cold. 

Leonard laid down on his bed and tried to sleep. He had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this seems a little sudden, it's because Leonard's revelation was the only thing that motivated me to get going with the story. Thanks for reading, and I promise that there will be more soon.


	8. The Real Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I accidentally posted chapter 9 here instead of 8. Hope that didn't freak you guys out too much. I would re-read a bit if I were you. Sorry again!

His day went normally, except for the unreasonably sudden thoughts about Spock throughout the day. What he was doing, where he was working, how his vegetable-herb-plant-thing was holding up, how he felt. Leonard was excited to see him again for dinner, but he also dreaded it. What would he say? Where would he sit? Would he greet him? Talk to him at all? Would it be weird if he asked him about his plants? God, this was all so complicated! Why did life have to be so goddamn hard for him now?!

"LEONARD!" He jumped, and looked up from his desk to see Christine in the doorway. She looked pretty miffed. "Shift's over. And get your head into gear- it's not good for a doctor to be spacing off about his love all the time." 

"What?!" Leonard exclaimed, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. "Love? Spacing? What do you want from me woman, I'm human! The average human spaces out for 47% of a-"

"Okay, Leonard, okay!" Christine laughed, shaking her head. "Just go get something to eat, okay? I'll see you tomorrow." She left before he could deny things even more, and he cursed under his breath. She was seriously tormenting him now. Why'd she have to bring up love? He was in a lot of things, but he was not in love. Especially with Spock. He might care for him, he might even, just a tiny bit, like him, but love was out of the picture. He was never loving anyone again after Jocelyn. Too much to lose. 

On that note, he put his things away and headed off to dinner. Conveniently, it wasn't too far from Sickbay, and he was there in a matter of minutes. He got some spinach mozzarella pasta and sat down at the table, next to Spock like he had thought earlier. Luckily, the Vulcan was already engaged in conversation with Scotty and Chekov about ship improvements. Leonard turned next to him where Uhura was conveniently sitting. 

"Hey, can I talk to you later?" Leonard asked, and she nodded. 

"After dinner? But make it quick, I'm trying to touch up on my Andorian before we get into the next quadrant." She said, and Leonard nodded. He was glad she didn't ask why he wanted to talk. He didn't really plan for that circumstance. When Spock ended his conversation with the engineering buddies, Leonard almost asked him how his day was. He stopped himself though, since he didn't know if it would seem weird after their conversation last night. Everything just felt weird about them. 

"My day was adequate, Leonard." Spock said quietly, taking a drink of his water. Leonard glared at him. 

"What makes you think I wanted to know?" He said defiantly, and Spock rose an eyebrow. 

"Intuition." He piqued. Leonard elbowed him in the arm. 

"Ass." He grumbled, getting back to his pasta. How was he ever going to get used to this? Jim wiggled his eyebrows at him. He glared back. He was never going to get used to it. 

Leonard and Uhura walked down the halls silently until they reached her quarters, where she invited him in without hesitation. "So what did you need?" She asked, sitting down at a small table. He sat across from her. Her room was extremely clean, except for the mementos scattered around in an odd fashion. 

"I... wanted to ask about how Spock was like when you two were together. If that's okay with you." Leonard said quietly, hoping he wouldn't offend her. He didn't need another person angry at him. She laughed, and he was immediately relieved. 

"It's perfectly okay, Leonard." She said, and looked down at the table. "In short, he wasn't very... well, if you saw us, even in private, you would hardly think we were much more than friends. He's not a feely-touchy guy, which was something I thought I wanted, but I began to get angry with him after a while. I don't know if it was because we weren't bonded, or if that's just how he was." She sighed, and looked back up to him with a smile. "However, we did have very intimate moments. We never had sex, of course, since he wanted to wait, but I was fine with that. There were times when he sought me out for comfort, though, which I was more than happy to provide for him." Leonard nodded, feeling slightly guilty about taking Spock's virginity from him. Vulcans probably didn't have the same sentiment about it as humans, though. Still, he felt bad. 

Uhura nudged his arm with her fist. "So. You're thinking of actually initiating your relationship?" She smirked at his appalled face. 

"What? No!" Leonard demanded, scowling at her. She raised her eyebrows at him, knowing he was being unreasonable. "Well. I don't know. I don't... to put it bluntly, I'm too traditional. I always wanted to come back to a nice home on earth and be able to say 'honey, I'm home!' You know?" She laughed, but nodded. "But I'm faced with reality now. I'm stuck with Spock, whether I like it or not. I figured... I mean..." He sighed, distressed, but tried to find a way to put it. 

"M'Benga showed me scans of something when Spock was in the hospital." Leonard grumbled, moving a finger around on the table. He didn't look up at Uhura. "In the end, I had to realize that Spock now relies on me for his happiness. I also saw that it's not in his control, either, when I had been blaming everything on him this whole time. I know I'm being unreasonable, and I just want him and everyone else on this damn ship to be happy-"

"What about you?" Uhura whispered, leaning across the table towards him. "What do you want, with Spock? Do YOU want to be in a relationship with him?" Leonard swallowed hard, thinking. 

"I..." He sighed loudly, leaning back. He rubbed a hand across his face. "I don't know! Sure! I'm willing to give it a shot, if that's what you mean, but I hardly doubt that it'll work out."

"I say you give it a try. Besides, you might not even know the difference!" Uhura looked down at her watch and smiled at him. "I really need to get on my Andorian nuances, Leonard." He nodded and stood up. 

"Thank you, Uhura." He said, opening the door. She nodded. 

"Call me Nyota, please." 

\--

Leonard really felt like a little boy. Spock was next to him, doing work like usual, and Leonard was about ready slam his head into the wall. 

"I would advise against such an action, Leonard." Spock said nonchalantly, and Leonard groaned in irritation. Why did this bond have to share so much?! Spock looked up at him. "You are acting quite different. Is this a result of our conversation yesterday?" Leonard froze up a bit. 

"No! Well, yes. But not..." He sighed, at a loss. He stood up and paced around a little. "The thing is, Spock, we're bonded. And I want you to be happy, because I know that you never wanted this bond to happen anyway. And after thinking about it, and after talking to Nyota, I think that a relationship might be okay with me. Possibly." He stopped pacing and chanced looking over at the Vulcan, who had an eyebrow risen high. Just looking at it, Leonard felt himself heat up. "Now I'm not bisexual or pansexual or anything, so don't expect me to be too receptive to this kind of thing. But I figured for the benefit of us both, it would be better if we were on an equal ground, and in some sort of working relationship." 

"Leonard..." The corner of Spock's mouth quirked up, and he stood. He stepped forward. Leonard crossed his arms. "You are not doing this simply for my benefit?" 

"No." Leonard shook his head. "I've recognized that a part of me wants this too." Spock nodded once, and looked as if he was thinking about the situation. 

"Then I am amenable to it." Spock said simply, and Leonard scoffed. 

"'Amenable?' You make it sound like a lunch date." Leonard rolled his eyes. 

"We already dine together, Leonard." Spock replied, making Leonard sigh. 

"I know we do." He said, and looked at Spock. The man was now... his, honestly. They were bondmates, they were dating, they spent a stupid amount of time together each day. It was insanely weird, and Leonard didn't know if he liked to think of it like this. He looked at his watch, desperate for an escape. "Well, it looks like our twenty minutes are up. I'll see you tomorrow." Spock didn't reply at first, just looking at him. 

"Goodnight, Leonard." Spock said quietly, and walked past him out the door. He let out a big breath. He was glad that Spock didn't do anything on his way out, or extend his stay that night, or anything like that. Was he moving this too fast? Was it a bad idea to say anything at all? He suddenly felt like a bride with cold feet. How was this ever going to be successful?

But then he remembered, once again, that it was probably for the best.


	9. Actually Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this was meant to be chapter nine, and the real chapter eight has been posted before this. I'm sorry for any of you who read through the mishap and didn't get the full story. Thank you for reading.

Leonard was quite pleased after a few days passed and nothing really changed. They sat a few inches closer to each other than usual during their daily bonding time, they talked a lot more about their personal lives, and they agreed on a lot more things. But overall, it was pretty much like being good things. Leonard couldn't really decide if that was a good or bad thing though. 

One night, though, Leonard got very horny while laying in bed. It wasn't a strange occurrence, obviously, but he usually ignored it on account that he was a mature adult now and not a hormonal teenager. This time, though, he finally reached down and gave in to his desires. 

Unsettlingly, he couldn't stop thinking about Spock and That Night. And well, he felt like he had never orgasmed so hard in his life. 

\--

"Jim, would you shut up and sit down already?!" Leonard yelled as Jim was bent over laughing. As soon as the Captain walked into Sickbay and saw him, he started laughing so hard that Leonard had to apologize to a sick patient and usher Jim into his office. 

"I can't... believe..." Jim said between laughs. He shook his head, wiped a tear from his eye, and took a deep breath. "I know what you did last night. And Spock knows. Oh boy does Spock know." Jim burst out laughing again, and Leonard paled. He grabbed Jim's shoulders and shook him. 

"Jim, what happened?!" Leonard demanded, and Jim took another deep breath to calm himself. 

"We were just talking in his quarters about how to approach the negotiations with the party of Andorians, and he..." Jim smiled broadly. "I have never seen him blush so green in my life, man. You should've seen him. He was so awkward about it, he literally threw me out of the door." 

"Wait." Leonard glared. "What?!"

"He picked me up and threw me, Bones! Not even joking!" Jim couldn't stop smiling. Leonard let go of him and stepped back. 

"So he can feel that through the bond?" Leonard asked quietly, more to himself than anything. He wasn't particularly embarrassed, since it was a regular human experience, but he felt bad for Spock. "Well, shit..." 

"Yeah! You should have waited until, I don't know, you two were in the same room? You know what I'm saying?" Jim wiggled his eyebrows at him, only making Leonard scowl. 

"Shut up, Jim. I feel bad. It's not like I had planned it. I'll talk to him later." Leonard said and Jim sighed, nodding. 

"Hey, also, did something happen between you two?" Jim asked, and Leonard looked at him in surprise. Was something wrong? "Obviously nothing sexual happened, but it seems like the two of you don't have so much tension between you anymore. It's weird."

"Oh, that." Leonard turned and walked over to his desk. He pretended like he was arranging things. "I guess he and I are in a... what you would say, a makeshift-relationship type of thing, I guess." When Jim was still silent behind him, he continued. "We haven't done anything, though. Nothing's really changed, honestly. Which is a good thing."

"Is it?" Jim asked suddenly, and Leonard turned around. Jim smirked. 

"Yes. It is. Now if you have nothing else to say, then leave. I have stuff to do." Leonard said, waving Jim off. The man rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever, Bones. Congratulations." Jim said before he left Leonard alone. He sighed. He really needed to talk to Spock, but he dreaded it. He hoped it wouldn't be too awkward. 

\--

Due to an outbreak of a strand of sickness similar to the human flu, Leonard had to work through all of his meals. He also had to keep putting on gloves and a mask whenever he wanted to talk to or treat anyone, which was just as annoying as the last time he dealt with something like this. 

Leonard almost fell over himself to put a waste bin in front of a child before she vomited all over the floor. He sighed in relief and rubbed her back as she brought up her lunch. Looking around, the fourteen people around him were either whining, resting fitfully, or vomiting like crazy. The nurses were fluttering about, administering medication and keeping everyone hydrated. He thanked God for them. 

As he continued to treat the patients past his shift, Leonard started worrying about Spock. Hopefully the Vulcan wouldn't think that he was avoiding him again. And he really didn't want to wait until tomorrow to explain what had happened last night. He just wanted to get everything cleared up as soon as he could so that things could go back go normal again. Whatever 'normal' was. 

 

"I think we got things covered, McCoy." M'Benga said, walking over and removing his gloves. "It's not like it's a ship-wide epidemic. They'll recover fine with some rest, and won't benefit any more with you being here." Leonard nodded, taking off his gloves and mask. 

"I just feel bad, leaving them here..." Leonard trailed off. 

"With another doctor?" M'Benga finished, and smirked. "Don't worry, I think my degree says I can make it just fine with some sick humans."

"That's not what I meant, but fine." Leonard scowled and walked off. "Have a good night." He said before he exited the Sickbay. M'Benga really got on his nerves a lot of the time. Maybe it was because the man spent so much time on Vulcan, so now he thought he knew everything about every other species out there. Know-it-all's just annoying the crap out of him. 

Speaking of Vulcans and know-it-all's, Spock was outside the door to Leonard's quarters.

"I hope you weren't waiting long," Leonard said, approaching the door. "Had over a dozen people come in sick today. Still feel bad about leaving them." He opened the door, seeing Spock nod in his peripheral. 

"It is quite alright, Leonard." Spock replied, walking into the room behind him. Leonard sighed. He'd have to tell him. 

"Spock, about last night," He said, turning towards him. Spock stiffened and put his hands behind his back. Leonard could see the slightest hint of green in the man's ears, and couldn't help thinking that it was just the slightest bit cute... If he was into that. "I'm sorry for... indulging in myself without thinking that you might also feel the consequences." He said, starting to actually feel embarrassed despite himself. 

"Am I neglecting you?" Spock asked quietly, and Leonard's eyebrows rose high. 

"Neglecting me? No!" Leonard exclaimed, stepping closer to him. 

"You do not wish for... more?" Spock asked, visibly struggling to keep eye-contact. Leonard snorted. 

"I don't know if I'm even ready for more. You know being with a man is weird for me. I never had any of those glorious times in college where I felt like experimenting with other men. I've never done anything with a man- ever. Well, except for..." Leonard trailed off, thinking about That Night, and wondering if that even counted. He looked up at Spock, who was staring at him. 

"Do you wish to end our relationship?" Spock whispered, and Leonard couldn't hold back a laugh. 

"Are you being shy with me, even after I practically gave a speech a few days ago about why I'm getting into this relationship with you?" Leonard shook his head. 

"And yet, nothing has happened between us. Nothing has changed, despite the verbal becoming of our relationship." Spock replied. 

"I can recall Nyota having the same complaint." Leonard said shortly, and Spock gave him an exasperated look. 

"She and I were not bonded. You and I have had a previous experience with such things. Should I not feel more motivated to take action with you than I had with her?" Spock explained. Leonard signed, running a hand through his hair. He probably looked so exhausted right now. 

"Our 'previous experience' doesn't even count. I only have a few flashes of the memory by now." Leonard looked down at his feet. He really was tired. He felt silly for spouting out all of this. 

"I remember everything." Spock said, but Leonard already knew that. Maybe it was Spock? Did he want things? Leonard swallowed nervously, his heart beating quicker. Spock blinked at him, and whispered, "You are making me nervous, Leonard."

"Nervous? You? Please." Leonard was the nervous one here, if anything. 

"Are you displeased that I am a Vulcan?" 

"No." Leonard said as quickly as possible. "Don't think that. It's just that we're both men. And you're... Spock. I get nervous when you're around. And it makes it hard to think." He paused, realizing that he probably just confessed himself to him. Spock put a hand on his face, making him look at him. Leonard scowled, about to tell him not to get all sappy, but he decided against it. It probably wasn't the time. The corner of Spock's lip quirked up. 

Spock leaned forward slowly, giving Leonard every opportunity to leave. He shied away at first, but then froze. Leonard started to panic, stuck in place when he felt Spock's lips against his. Then it was gone as quickly as it came, and Leonard opened his eyes (when did he close them?) to look at the other man. 

"I can feel what you are feeling." Spock whispered, and Leonard almost laughed at how that sounded. For some reason, though, that just made him feel more pleasure from the situation. He didn't feel like he thought he would. He thought that he wouldn't like it, and just suffer with it for Spock's benefit. But that was the opposite of how he felt. It was nice, to say the least. 

Spock leaned forward again, and Leonard kissed back this time. His heart thumped in his chest, and he cupped Spock's face with one of his hands. The friction between their lips was getting Spock quite excited, Leonard could feel it through the bond, so he pulled away. He smiled at the Vulcan, who was green out of pleasure and embarrassment. Spock pulled him into a hug promptly. 

"I wouldn't think you'd be more embarrassed than me." Leonard said, wrapping his arms around him. 

"Leonard, please." Spock said, sounding disgruntled, and making Leonard laugh. Spock pulled away, and stepped back. Despite his straight face, Leonard could see the emotion on him. "I think that I shall leave you to your sleep. Goodnight, Leonard." 

"Goodnight, Spock." Leonard said, and Spock left him. He released a breath, and shook his head. He just kissed Spock. Twice. And he took pride that only two people in all the galaxies could say that, and he was one of them. He smiled, and set off for a shower. Maybe this whole relationship thing with Spock wouldn't be so bad. 

\---

The Andorians, Jim, Spock, and Uhura decided to meet in person on the Enterprise. They had been in a meeting room for over four hours and Leonard was beginning to panic. 

"Calm down, Leonard, they're just talking." Sulu said at lunch, while Leonard stabbed at a salad. 

"Yeah, but I remember what happened last time they were sent to 'talk.'" He grumbled, and Sulu smirked. 

"You didn't deny that you're worried about Spock?" Sulu scoffed and shared looks with the others. Leonard rolled his eyes. 

"You guys need to get over yourselves." He said, feeling angry now. "So what if I care about somebody? So what if that happens to be Spock? I'm worried about the others, too, but that doesn't mean that I'm fucking them!" Sulu blinked at him. 

"So that means you and Spock are doing each other?" Sulu stated more than asked, and Leonard groaned and left them. Sulu was a pretty good guy, but it seemed that Chekov's gossiping got into him. In more ways than one, most likely. 

On his way out of the mess, his comm beeped loudly, and he fumbled to look at it. There was a girl who had a fatal wound in Sickbay. Leonard hardly had any time to think before he set off running in that direction. Dammit, why couldn't things just be peaceful?! 

Leonard avoided the patients who were still sick as he set off to prepare for surgery. He looked into the room through the window, and saw some nurses prepping a little girl. She looked like she was five years old for Christ's sake! He walked in quickly, and got to work as Christine explained what happened. 

"She and her brothers were playing, and she got impaled in the upper abdomen and chest with long shards of the vase that she fell on." Christine said quickly, assisting Leonard as he worked on the wounds. 

"She's lost a lot of blood. Get me-"

"Starting the blood transfusion." Christine interrupted, thinking the same as him. Why she didn't become a medical doctor instead of a nurse was beyond him. 

They worked steadily, but the girl was losing a lot more blood than they could put in. Leonard was only half way done with extracting the shards from her chest when her condition got so bad, he had to defibrillate her to get her heart beating regularly again. When she was stable, he worked as quickly and carefully as he could. His mind was blank as he pulled piece after piece of the vase from the little girl, until he was reminded of Joanna. They hadn't talked in a while, and he hadn't even realized it. He'd just been so caught up with work, the bond, Spock, and everything else that he didn't realize that she had stopped messaging to him. 

All of the sudden he was doing CPR on his patient, his mind seeming to have worked in two separate parts. He watched the heart monitor intensely, counting under his breath. It seemed like hours until the line on the monitor started spiking again, showing her heart slowly going back to normal. Leonard took a deep breath and finished patching up her various wounds. 

Then finally he was finished, and he let the nurses clean her up. He disposed of his gloves, mask, and cap in the waste bin and washed his hands and arms again. That was a lot of blood. A child's blood. Even after all his years of training, nothing prepared him for the knowledge of a child's life being- almost literally- in his hands. 

"You did good, Leonard." Christine said, fixing herself up as well. Leonard snorted. 

"I'm just glad she's alive." He said grimly. "She'll still be restricted during the healing process, and there'll be extensive scarring-"

"Would you just be an optimist for once?" Christine interrupted him, shaking her head. Before he could apologize, she walked away. He sighed, and M'Benga walked over. 

"Take the day off, McCoy. I'd like to work today." M'Benga said, and Leonard was about to retort with a 'hell no,' but the man looked in rough shape. Maybe he was like Leonard, who worked his troubles away. He nodded, not questioning the man, and walked off. 

Leonard didn't know what to do, so he set off to his quarters for a while. He got himself some spaghetti from his personal replicator, since he didn't really eat during lunch, and sat down to eat. He wondered if Jim and them were finished with their talk time with the Andorians yet. When he was done with his lunch, he took a PADD and walked off to Spock's place. 

When he got there, he knocked on the door while messaging Joanna with the PADD. He asked if she wanted to video call him, and how she was doing. After it sent, and after there was no answer at the door, he sighed and looked around. Luckily, Spock was rounding the corner and approaching him. 

"How'd it go?" Leonard asked once Spock got close enough. 

"I believe that it went well." Spock said, inviting Leonard into his quarters. "Agreements were eventually reached, although it may have taken 5.372 hours. Please make yourself at home." Leonard nodded, and looked around. He heard a beep, and looked down at the PADD. That was quick- Joanna replied, saying that she'd like to do a video call 'ASAP :)'. Wasn't that cute? 

"Hey Spock, do you mind if I use your computer?" Leonard asked, smiling at the PADD. 

"I do not mind." Spock said, standing at the replicator. 

"Cool, thanks." Leonard said, sitting at Spock's desk. He wished that his personal computer was in his room instead of his office in Sickbay. "Joanna said she'd like to do a video call with me. And uh, I was kind of thinking of introducing the two of you." Spock handed him a cup of tea, and brought another chair up to the desk and sat. 

"I would love to meet her." Spock said, looking pleased. Leonard smiled, starting up the call. He figured Joanna would have to meet Spock at some point, if they were going to be bonded forever and all. 

Joanna answered quickly. "Hi daddy! And...?" Her happy face turned confused when she saw Spock. 

"Hey, JoJo." Leonard said with a smile. He gestured to Spock, who drank tentatively at his own cup of tea. "This is Spock." Spock set down his tea and nodded. 

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Joanna." Spock said, and Joanna smiled. 

"Nice to meet you too." She said, then looked between them curiously. "You're friends...?" 

"Actually," Leonard cleared his throat cautiously. "Under... confusing circumstances, we're bondmates." At Joanna's confused look, he elaborated. "We're in a relationship." He said bluntly, and her eyebrows rose high up on her forehead. 

"Oh. That's... really great!" Joanna grinned at them. "I'm glad that you finally found someone, daddy. And comparing to last time I saw you, you look much happier." Now Leonard rose his eyebrows.

"Do I?" He laughed, and drank his own tea. He wasn't usually a tea person, but it was really good. It wasn't like any other tea he'd had before. Must've been some Vulcan-type of tea. "What about you? You finally find a boyfriend like your friends have?" Leonard asked, and Joanna blushed red. 

"Well..." Joanna looked down, fumbling with her sleeve. "I guess I can tell you now... I like girls. And I have a girlfriend now too." Leonard gaped at her. In all his life he never would've thought that Joanna would've been homosexual. When he just continued to blink at her, Joanna looked worried. "Daddy? Are you... not okay with that? I thought now that you've kind of... come out, I guess, I-"

"I'm not gay." Leonard said quickly, and Joanna blushed harder. "I don't like men. I'm with Spock because he accidentally formed a bond with me, and it happened to turn into something more. I'm not gay." He finished, and Joanna nodded. 

"So you don't like that I'm..." Joanna trailed off, and Leonard couldn't bring himself to answer. Sure he was glad that he didn't have to worry about boys around her, but...

"Your father is very proud of you for being honest with him, and he loves you regardless of your preferences." Spock interjected, and Joanna breathed out in relief. "Although, he does seem a bit shocked. I am sure that it is only because he had a stressful day at work today." At that, Leonard snapped out of his daze. 

"Actually, yeah, I did have a stressful day at work. I had a little girl die on me while I was removing practically a whole vase from her torso. She's okay now though." Leonard said, drinking his tea. He set the cup down and put his hands in his lap. He still couldn't believe that Joanna liked girls. Spock grabbed his hand under the desk and squeezed it painfully. Despite his nervousness of holding hands with Spock, the pain made him realize that he was being unreasonable. "But Spock was right, JoJo. I love you no matter what. I was just shocked, is all." 

"Thank you, daddy. I love you too. And I'm glad that that girl is okay now also." Joanna smiled, visibly relieved. 

The three of them continued to chat, Joanna quite interested in Spock. She asked all kinds of questions about his job, his interests, his skills, and his whole life in general. It was really cute. Spock even managed to get her to tell him about her girlfriend, which she was adamant about keeping secret before. Leonard was quite impressed on how well they got along. 

When the call ended, Spock was still holding his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally together, after all this time. What could possibly mess things up?  
> Reviews are what I live for, bros. Have at thee!


	10. Is this the ending though?

"So how's the baby?" Jim asked, sitting across from Leonard in his office in Sickbay. Leonard groaned. 

"Seriously, Jim, we've been through this. Please stop calling our bond thing a baby. Makes me feel like I'm pregnant." He muttered the last part, since it gave him the chills. Him? Pregnant? Even with the technology making it possible for men to get pregnant, he'd never do such a thing. 

"Seriously, Bones." Jim shot back, leaning closer to him over the desk. "How are the two of you doing? You seem happier." Leonard threw up his arms. 

"First Joanna and now you- what is it about me now that makes people think I'm happy?!" He shook his head, Jim laughing at him. 

"First of all, you're practically glowing. You seem to be taking better care of yourself. Second," Jim leaned even closer, making Leonard worry for the man's ribs against his desk. "I can hear Spock jerking off to you every night." Jim whispered, and Leonard was shocked. 

"Really?" He whispered back, but Jim's mouth twitched into a smile. 

"No. But you looked pretty terrified when I said it." Jim laughed, and Leonard glared. He never should've believed Spock capable of something like that. 

"Ha-ha, Jim, thanks." He retorted sarcastically, trying to occupy himself with some work. But now he had Spock in his head, and Jim wasn't letting it go. 

"Why're you so afraid of him, Bones? You've done it with him before." Jim said casually, leaning back in his chair. Leonard rose his eyebrows and shook his head. 

"Even though Spock remembers every ounce of detail-"

"Every ounce, mmm," Jim smirked, and Leonard scowled. 

"Every detail," he said through grit teeth, "I don't think it really counts. We were inebriated and stupid. I probably would've fucked a cactus that night." Jim winced immediately, and Leonard rolled his eyes. 

"Don't you think you're being a bit too stiff about this? And not in the good way?" Jim asked, looking genuinely concerned. 

"Look, Jim, Spock and I just started the relationship. We haven't even made out yet." Leonard explained, but Jim perked up for some reason. 

"So that means you kissed?!" Jim said happily, and Leonard groaned again. He really was in for it now. "How was it? Was it nice? Was it bad? Did he touch you or just keep his hands behind his back like a moron? Oh, fuck, I really want to kiss Spock!" Jim complained, and Leonard almost punched the man on instinct.

"Damn it, Jim! Fuck off!" Leonard slammed his fist against the table, feeling he had every right to be angry by now. "Your prying has been getting out of hand, and I've dealt with it this far. But if you make one more snide remark about how Spock is on your fuck-list, I will personally kick you back to Iowa!" Jim's eyebrows were raised, and he looked as though he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth. Leonard sighed. "I'm sorry, Jim. I just... I'm on edge." 

"I know. It was my fault, though, for bringing up me and Spock." Jim said quietly, rubbing his hands together in thought. "I don't really want to kiss him or anything- at least not anymore. Sure he's hot, I'll give you that, but he's not in my sights." Leonard nodded. He could accept that. Jim got up to leave, and made his way out. 

"Hey," Leonard called out at the last second. Jim turned to him. "Thanks for being here for me. I don't deserve you." Jim grinned. 

"Ain't nobody deserve me!" Jim yelled out, all but strutting away. Sometimes it was annoying how much of a pompous jerk he was. 

\--

Spock was meditating on the floor when Leonard walked into his quarters, so he thought twice about coming in in the first place. 

"Should I come back another time?" Leonard asked quietly, unsure as to how to approach the situation. He'd never seen Spock meditate like this before. Spock opened his eyes. 

"I will be finished in 7.083 minutes." Spock said simply before closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath. Leonard didn't exactly know how to take that, so he pushed himself out of his frozen state and sat down quietly on the couch. He looked around the room, something he didn't really do the last time he was there. There were a few Vulcan mementos around that he didn't quite understand, and some weapons hung on the walls. Most of the Vulcan items were either red or black, and they gave the room a nice mood. 

Once he was done looking around, and Spock showed no sign of life, he laid down on the couch and crossed his arms. Might as well just close his eyes for a few seconds, to wait until Spock was done with his voodoo...

Suddenly Spock was on top of him, grinding his way to high heaven, but Leonard tried pushing him off. "Get off! What are you doing?!" He yelled, scrambling underneath him. 

He wrenched himself off of the couch, groaning when he hit his head on the floor. Looking around, Spock was at his desk, and was turning to face him with an inquisitive look. "Do human dreams always have physical consequences?" He asked and Leonard frowned. Some short, strange dream it was. Thank the Lord. He sat up, his back against the couch. 

"Not usually..." Leonard grumbled, trying to think up the grossest things to get rid of his slight... downstairs problem. At the thought of doing CPR on that little girl with the glass shards, he grimaced. Spock rose an eyebrow. 

"I will not question your methods, however I would advise against thinking of such things on a regular basis." Spock said, and Leonard stood and glared at him. 

"I thought you couldn't read my thoughts without touching me or something?" He asked and started looking around for his PADD. He picked it up from the floor and sat back down on the couch. 

"I found that when in close proximity with you, I can receive impressions of your thoughts, and... dreams." Spock said the last part quietly, and Leonard snapped his head up to look at him. 

"Oh." Leonard said, glaring. Spock rose an eyebrow again. 

"I must say that your dream, although short, was quite intriguing." Spock commented and Leonard scoffed. 

"Right." He said, looking down at his PADD. He felt really embarrassed- he couldn't believe that Spock knew he just dreamed of him grinding on him for God's sake! "I blame Jim. He was the one bringing up sex and things earlier today..." He grumbled, and was met with silence. He looked up to see Spock staring at him. He wasn't going to jump him, was he? 

"I will not 'jump' you, Leonard." Spock replied quietly, and Leonard scowled at the man. 

"Stop readin' my thoughts, you damn hobgoblin!" Leonard stood abruptly and walked towards the door. He wasn't going sit around and be poked with some goddamn Vulcan voodoo! 

Spock grabbed his wrist and turned him around. "Don't do that." Spock said quietly, and Leonard glared at him. 

"Then don't..." Leonard trailed off and sighed at Spock's expression. Or rather, lack of expression, which Leonard learned was probably worse than any expression at all. Suddenly he felt bad, and softened up a bit. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being unreasonable. I'm just not used to this. Not used to..." 

"Me." Spock finished, and Leonard frowned. 

"Us?" He supplied, a healthier alternative to Spock's suggestion. Spock frowned the slightest bit. "This is by far the weirdest relationship that I have ever been in." Leonard admitted, and he could feel Spock's amusement at that. The man's face remained unchanged, though. "Don't you ever smile, you damned hobgoblin?" Leonard smiled despite himself, and tried to make Spock's face form a smile with his hands. It was highly amusing, and he was getting a lot of joy out of making Spock's face do weird things. 

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow, and Leonard laughed. 

"Yes. I like seeing you make expressions that you wouldn't do in front of other people." Leonard said, resting his hands on the sides of Spock's head. 

"Leonard..." Spock said quietly, and Leonard almost feared that it was going to be bad. "Every single person that I have met have only been concerned about my performance as a human or a Vulcan. While on the Enterprise, many have told me that I am too Vulcan. You, however, have proven different. While initially judgmental on my race, you have come to express that your only reservation with me as your partner is the fact that I am male. You are the first to be with me and not categorize my actions as either 'too Vulcan' or 'too human.' Thank you, Leonard." While Leonard was busy trying to absorb what he just said, he almost missed the hint of a real smile appearing on Spock's face. 

Leonard caressed Spock's face with the back of his hand, which had quickly composed itself back into its regular state. He moved his hand back and barely rubbed Spock's ear between his fingers before Spock backed away so fast he almost fell over himself. Face flushed green, he cupped the ear that Leonard touched. 

"Oh, so I found your sweet spot, did I?" Leonard laughed, and Spock all but glared at him. Seeing Spock laid out before him like that made him feel unbelievably warm inside. Despite their almost-fight earlier, Leonard was feeling pretty close to Spock in that moment, even though the other man was staggered a few feet away with his hand against the side of his head. 

Spock dropped his hand and took a deep breath, visibly taking back his composure. He put his hands behind his back, looking more professional. "Leonard, I would appreciate it if you refrained from touching my ears in any casual way." He said, and Leonard snorted and shook his head. Seeing Spock's face so green, and so vulnerable, just made him quite excited. He could feel his body warming up, his heart beating fast in his chest, blood swarming to his groin. Spock breathed deeply once more, and Leonard remembered that the Vulcan knew what he was thinking. 

Leonard walked over to Spock, and sat them both down on the couch. It was too late to turn back now. And now he knew a safe, not-uncomfortable way to go about this sort of thing. He put his hand in Spock's hair, and ran a thumb along it up to the point. The man's hands clenched into fists, so Leonard moved closer and took one of them. Spock relaxed at the hand-to-hand contact, so he rubbed his ear again. He knew that Vulcans' skin could be quite sensitive, but the ears? Those perfect, pointed ears could illicit so much pleasure for Spock, and Leonard was surely going to take advantage of that. 

Genital touching was something he was not ready for, but ears? No problem. 

Leonard turned Spock's head and kissed him gently, probing his lips with his tongue. Spock granted him entrance, and their tongues could finally mingle with one another. Through the kissing, Leonard continued to caress Spock's ear. It was entirely blissful, and his face was hot from the pleasure. He could feel how much Spock was enjoying the contact, which heightened his own pleasure. Spock pulled away, face well flushed. 

"Leonard. If we do not stop, I will-" Spock tried to warn him, but practically choked on his words when Leonard licked his ear. He sucked on his earlobe, wrapping one hand around to fondle the other ear, and the other hand to his side to feel Spock's rapid heartbeat. Spock moaned deeply, encouraging him to continue. Leonard felt a hand traveling up his thigh, and growled to make it stop. Somehow, some way, he projected unto Spock that he wasn't ready for that yet- even though he got harder at the thought. The hand was removed, and Leonard could fully continue ravaging Spock's ear with his tongue. 

When Leonard could feel Spock getting close, he allowed his tongue-work to become more fervent, and brushed his teeth against the hot skin. When Leonard pushed his tongue into Spock's ear, the Vulcan came immediately, moaning loudly. Leonard orgasmed with him, moaning against Spock's ear. He rested his head on the Vulcan's shoulder, and it took a while for them to come down from the climax. 

"I am so glad that you enjoy something as innocent as that." Leonard laughed, taking deep breaths to calm his rapid heartbeat. Spock didn't answer, so they just sat against each other for a while. 

When Leonard realized how tired he was, he looked at his watch and sighed. "I should go." He said, getting up and not trying to feel uncomfortable in his now wet boxers. Spock nodded, and he could feel that the man was disappointed to see him leave, but that was enough excitement for the day. Leonard bent down and kissed Spock gently, before walking to the door. "Goodnight," he said, then left. 

\--

Leonard woke up with a spring in his step, and even smiled at some nurses on his way into Sickbay. They smiled back and looked at him funny, but he ignored that. He was just feeling good. When lunch came around, he grabbed a nice, light salad and sat right next to Spock. He smiled at the Vulcan. 

"You look well, Leonard," Spock said, quirking up an eyebrow. 

"As do you, Spock," Leonard replied with a smirk, and Jim got a promiscuous expression on his face. 

"Yeah, I could even hear you guys in there, both moaning like angels." Jim said, and Chekov choked on his food. 

"You sure you weren't just fantasizing, Jim?" Leonard replied, tucking into his salad. The Captain glared at him, and went back to talking to Uhura about other things. And boy was Leonard glad that nobody else commented on it. Chekov kept looking between him and Spock, but a well-pointed glare fixed that.

Spock bumped their knees together, and leaned in to whisper quietly into his ear. What he said made Leonard choke on his water. 

"Next time, we do it in your quarters." 

~FIN

JUST KIDDING!!!


	11. There's an east wind coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to DarlaPr0duction for being an absolute DARLING, and encouraging me to go on. Kudos to her, and her plot ideas that I am happily writing out with my own stuff included. Thank you!

It had been about a week since Leonard and Spock's encounter in Spock's quarters, and things were still quite normal between them. Which, again, suited Leonard quite well. Especially since he had to ward off all the talk about how he could be gay. Honestly, what was with people? Why couldn't they mind their own business? He was closer to being an Andorian than being a homosexual, honestly. 

He sighed, rubbing his face with his tired hands. Treating an entire ship's worth of people and their many, many ailments could get to him sometimes. Especially when all of his nurses were nice young women who doted on him constantly. He enjoyed the attention sometimes, but nowadays all they would ever ask about was his love life because of all the rumors about him and Spock. Leonard sometimes felt like he should tape a sign to the front of his desk labeled "HETEROSEXUAL!" 

Just as he was trying to justify that action to himself, Nurse Lanna appeared and handed him a PADD. He took it, scanning it over. "What's this?" He asked, even though he was already reading it. A patient wanted to undergo experimental treatment for Hanyo's Syndrome...

"Jack Leeson wants to have the experimental treatment done for his Hanyo's Syndrome." Nurse Lanna explained, smiling politely. Her auburn braid hung over her blue-dressed shoulder, and she toyed with it as she spoke. Leonard couldn't help but eye her, but she kept talking like normal. "As soon as we reach the Alpha Quadrant in a few days, there should be a Starbase along our course that could supply us with the materials." She finished, and Leonard nodded in agreement. There would be a Starbase along the way, and it would no doubt be supplied with the proper medications, considering that the experimental treatment was so popular. Leonard wasn't too fond of it himself, but he would do what his patient wanted in this case. 

"Thank you, Nurse." Leonard said, and flashed her a smile as he finished signing. She smiled back, the hint of a blush coloring her cheeks, and took the PADD from him. She seemed hesitant about something, so Leonard rose his eyebrows at her. 

"Doctor, if I may," Nurse Lanna said, lowering her voice a bit. "I don't mean to be insensitive. It's just... the talk around the sickbay is quite prevalent." She looked very embarrassed, and Leonard had the sneaking suspicion that he knew what was coming. "Are you... well, do you prefer the company of other men?" Upon hearing the question, Leonard sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"I do not. In all my life, I have only ever preferred the company of women." Leonard explained, becoming peeved. "Now, you can tell everyone to keep their false gossip to themselves, because I will have none of that in my sickbay? Understood?"

"Understood, Doctor!" Nurse Lanna said promptly. Surprisingly, she was hardly fazed by Leonard's stern response. In fact, she seemed kind of pleased by it. Leonard didn't know if he liked that or not. The nurse finally left, and he sighed to himself again. He was probably going to let his soul out, sighing all the time- if he still had a soul, anyway. 

\---

Leonard accidentally worked well past shift, trying to get some ensigns to sit still as he jabbed them with a horrendous amount of hyposprays. Evidently, when on an away team, it was common sense to start assaulting strange plants until they spray mildly venomous liquids on everything. Leonard's patients were groaning on and on about how their skin burned, even though there were no visible blemishes on them. 

When he finished treating them, he left it up to M'Benga for the night. After he left the sickbay, he heard hurried footsteps behind him. He turned to see ever-happy Christine Chapel catching up to him. "Hey, Leonard." She smiled at him, and he gave her a half smile back. 

"Hey there. How've you been? It's been a while since we really talked." Leonard said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall comfortably. 

"That's actually what I was wanting to ask about," Christine said quietly, as if someone would hear them. Leonard was suddenly teeming with curiosity. "It's been so long since we've really, y'know, talked, so... Would you like to accompany me to dinner tomorrow? I'd suggest tonight, but you've already worked so hard."

"Of course, tomorrow sounds great. It'll be great to finally get talking to you again." Leonard replied, still smiling a little. He valued Christine quite a lot, and it'd be nice to catch up with her. He wondered about how she was doing sometimes. 

"Tomorrow at 20:00, in the Ten Forward?" Christine suggested, and Leonard nodded in approval. "Great! I'll see you then!"

"Alright, see you then." Leonard replied, and watched her walk off in a different direction. Her body moved gracefully, like a new spark of optimism had been struck inside her.

\---

A few days later, Jim walked down the halls of his ship, quietly whistling to himself. He'd been wandering around for the past half-hour, trying to find something to do. But alas, there was nothing for him anywhere. Everyone was busy, trying to get everything finished before their shore leave in a week or so. Jim, being the busybody that he was, had gotten most of his work done already. He was pretty excited to get back to Earth, go smell the fresh, polluted air, and see some old buddies. 

However for now, he had nothing to do. Nowhere to go. All of his friends were busy. Bones had been disappearing during the evenings- Jim initially thought that it was just the doctor having some sexy time with Spock, until the Vulcan himself asked Jim where Leonard was one night. It made him worry, for a while, but he knew that it was none of his business. No point in dwelling on it. 

He slipped into a nearby rec room, the room falling silent as he walked in. He smiled at the four people sitting around, told them to carry on, and stepped back out. Jim didn't really know what he was looking for, but he knew that he didn't want to sit around and play cards or chess. Maybe he'd go to exercise...

When he got to the ship's gym, he saw Spock running on an incline treadmill. That made his decision, and he went into the locker room to change into some more suitable clothing. He grabbed a bottle of water, and got on a treadmill next to Spock. The Vulcan didn't acknowledge him, just kept facing forward. Jim could deal with that, though. He started running at a decent pace (nowhere near as fast as Spock), and looked around. There were a few people doing weights, some sparring, but most were also doing cardio. 

Jim tried to clear his mind, and just kept running next to Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. Much interesting thing to come, ja man? :)


	12. We're going on an adventure!!!

12!

"Leonard, after meeting a few times, I feel like we've grown a lot closer." Christine said, after dabbing her pink lips with a napkin. Leonard smiled at her and nodded, taking a small sip of his wine. He'd been enjoying their talks also, over the past few days. It was a nice escape from the reality for a while. "In light of our being closer, I was wondering, if... if you'd like to-"

"Bones!" Jim bursted into the picture, heaving Leonard up by the arms. "Medical emergency, now!" 

"I'm so sorry, Christine-" he sputtered, feeling sorry for her as he was dragged away by Jim. Christine's shocked face turned into a sad one before Leonard had to turn around and watch where he was going. When they got out into the hall, he yanked his arm away from Jim to walk with him. "Who is it?" 

"It's Spock-" 

"What? No it's not." Leonard interrupted him, and stopped walking. If it was Spock, he would have felt it. "Jim, what're you doing?" Jim looked conflicted, before sighing. He visibly gathered his composure before speaking. 

"The question is, what have YOU been doing?" Jim asked quietly, gesturing for Leonard to walk with him. The doctor glared, wondering what the hell kind of intervention-like conversation this was. Usually these were aimed towards Jim, not him. "It might not be a medical emergency, but it is Spock. You've kinda been... y'know, cheating on him. I know that you two are together still, but you've been seeing Nurse Chapel a lot. In very romantic settings, and-"

"Whoa. Hang on." Leonard stopped, grabbing Jim's arm to make them stop. "I needed some time away from Spock after our... encounter that one night. I was kind of freaked out. I've never done anything sexual with a man." He growled, trying to be quiet so that any passing ensigns wouldn't hear. "Christine has been nice enough to help me relieve some of that stress- and not in a romantic or sexual way. Our relationship is completely platonic! I can't help that she's pretty and that she invited me to some dinners!" 

"That did not look platonic to me. Trust me, Bones, I know what women look like when they want more. Christine had desire written all over her!" Jim growled back, and Leonard shook his head. 

"This isn't any of your business anyway, Jim. Just... stay out of it." Leonard walked away then, ignoring Jim when he called after him. He sighed and shook his head. This was definitely not the sort of stress-free escape that he'd been hoping for. Avoiding responsibilities (Spock) was hard work. Hopefully shore leave would fix that, causing for a more relaxing environment. 

\--

Spock had had about enough. With everything building up on him- the regular xenophobia from several ensigns, Leonard's precarious and ignorant behavior, Jim's meddling, work, et cetera- his walls were weakening with each day. He'd been through more in the past, seen things he'll never forget, but that didn't change the fact that he was fed up with it all. 

Meditate, breathe, clear the mind... This has been his mantra, day after day since he was old enough to comprehend the words. And now? That's all he did. 

Meditate. He sat in the traditional position, his posture immaculate, for many hours. Breathe. He inhaled and exhaled the deepest breaths of incense that his body would allow him, to contract the fresh positivity and to extract the old negativity. Clear the mind. He thought of nothing, focusing on his breathing, seeing the black abyss behind his eyelids. 

When Spock could no longer smell the incense, he knew that it had been a while. When he heard his alarm, he knew that it had been all night. When he heard a soft knock on his door, he knew that he was almost late for work, and exceptionally behind schedule. He opened his eyes, told the computer to brighten the lights to 70%, and took a quick shower.

So began his day. Jim walked with him to the Bridge, and digressed from appointing Spock any tasks that someone else could take. For that, he was grateful. They ate all their meals in silence. When shift was over, they walked back together, and Spock retreated to his quarters for more meditation. Evidently Leonard was no longer committed to their twenty minutes together each day, as they had barely seen each other over the past week. 

Taking a deep breath, he attempted to clear his mind. However, that was much easier said than done. His thoughts always returned to Leonard, no matter what. What he was doing, who he was with, how he was feeling... The speculations cluttered Spock's mind like a tsunami, constantly attacking his emotional barriers. But he could not afford to get emotional now. He had to build up his walls. 

After an hour had passed, he snapped to attention when he felt pain accumulating in his hand. He surmised that Leonard must have hurt himself, and Spock's first instinct was to go running for the man. But what if he wasn't welcome? What if Leonard got mad about the bond, and an argument arose?

Spock stood and walked out the door, clenching his hands behind his back as his lungs cleared of incense and filled with the crisp air of the ship. They had shore leave to discuss, and he knew exactly what to do. Since it would be on Earth, Leonard would no doubt want to see his daughter, and Spock would accompany him. By spending time together, and with Joanna to assist, he presumed that Leonard would come to his senses about their relationship. 

At Leonard's door, Spock knocked twice. He emptied his mind of all emotion, locking it all away behind his well-constructed walls, and walked in as soon as the door opened. 

"Hey, don't just barge in here!" Leonard complained, and Spock stopped to face him, standing a few feet apart. 

"I wished to discuss shore leave." Spock said, and continued talking before Leonard could object. "If I may, I should accompany you back to your home town, where we could visit Joanna." Leonard looked shocked for a short time before glaring at him. 

"Why do you wanna go with me? Don't you have anywhere else?" Leonard asked, crossing his arms. Spock only stared at him. 

"I have no home, Leonard." Spock said quietly, and Leonard's eyebrows twitched before his face softened. 

"I know." He replied softly, rubbing his red knuckles. He had no doubt punched something, possibly out of anger. But what would he be angry about? "Joanna will be happy to finally meet you. In person, I mean." 

"Indeed." Spock said, somewhat relieved that Leonard gave in to the idea without too much of a fight. 

"Well... Is there anything else?" Leonard asked, and Spock almost answered. He almost asked about Leonard's activities with Nurse Chapel. He almost brought up their sexual interaction several days ago. But he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to anger Leonard, making him change his mind about the shore leave. 

"Nothing else. Goodnight, Leonard." Spock said primly, and exited the room. 

He couldn't help but wish that shore leave would be the end of Leonard's rebellious behavior. However, he knew from his childhood, hope alone will never accomplish anything. 

\---

Leonard looked around, trying to see if there were other things to pack. It's not as if he really needed much of anything other than clothes, since hotels always provided everything anyone would ever need during their stay. He took a deep breath, and looked around the room. They wouldn't get to Earth until approximately 23:30, and it was 22:38 at present. Honestly, he was quite tired. Maybe he could take a little nap...

"Bones!" He jumped when he heard Jim grunting outside his door. He sighed and opened it, and Jim flew in with a big box in his hands. "Hey, I need you to take this care package for me. Give it to Joanna." Leonard gaped at him, and Jim set it on the floor with a thunk. The man grinned, wiping his forehead. 

"What'n the hell are you givin' my daughter?!" Leonard exclaimed, circling in on the box. "And where'd you get it all from?" Jim just waved his hand and sunk down onto the bed. 

"It's just all those birthday presents I forgot to give her for the past... oh... how old is she again?"

"Fourte-"

"Fourteen years!" Jim exclaimed, using wide hand gestures. "Over the past fourteen years, I've been trekking across galaxies just to get her the most-"

"Jim, you haven't even known her that long." Leonard said, sighing. Jim glared at him. 

"Come on, Bones! Aren't you excited?!" Jim asked, bouncing himself on the bed. Leonard tried not to sigh again. 

"I guess, since I get to see Joanna, but I'm really tired. I try to keep a regular sleeping schedule, and this is messing me up." Leonard grumbled, and Jim started laughing. 

"Bones, I've seen you stay up late! What, are you getting THAT old?!" Jim said, still laughing. Leonard crossed his arms and glared at him. 

"Just get out for a while, will you? I'd kill for a nap right now." Leonard said, and Jim hesitated. "Literally, kill." He threatened, making Jim drag himself off the bed. 

"Fine, just be ready to leave when the time comes." Jim said, and disappeared out the door. Leonard took a deep breath, resisted opening the suspicious box, and flopped onto his bed. It didn't take too long before he drifted off to sleep. 

\---

Jim, Spock, and Leonard all met at the transporter room. Jim seemed excited for some vacation, but sad to depart from his beloved ship. Leonard was just relieved to get away from the work and drama. Spock- well, who knew with him?

Leonard tried to push away the sickening feeling he got from the energizing, and opened his eyes to see the bright blue skies of Earth. He immediately smiled, breathing in the crisp air. It was late January, so it was the tiniest bit chilly. Luckily, they were all beamed down near the Academy, right in San Francisco. It tended to be pretty warm there, so they weren't freezing. 

They worked their way through the bustling people to find the means of transportation. Jim was going to Iowa to visit his old friends and maybe even see some family. Leonard hoped that it all worked out well for the kid, especially considering that his family was a bunch of assholes. Tarsus IV? The nerve of some people...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that these past two chapters have been bad/short/horrible. It's hard for me to get back into the groove of writing.   
> I'M JUST SO EXCITED!!! 
> 
> p.s. DarlaPr0duction, you a doll. buut i have an evil plan bout youuu. 
> 
> STAY TUNED FOR MORE ASSFACE LEONARD (and not the good assface... or is it?) AND INTERNALLY DESPAIRING SPOCK.


	13. Meeting the family

By the time they got to Georgia Leonard was so damn tired he didn't even know how to read his watch. All he could do was trudge after Spock, trying not to bump into people, as they were checked into a hotel. The receptionist lady sounded very nice, but he didn't have time to dwell on it as he followed the Vulcan into an elevator. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, but Spock elbowed him in the ribs before he could pass out. Leonard glared at him. 

They got off the elevator, and Leonard could smell the familiar smells of hotel rooms. Clean sheets, chemical smelling bathrooms, carpet... So familiar. Almost like the dorms back when he went to Med School. He could hear the people in their rooms chatting excitedly or watching tv or even getting up to 'other' things. He didn't have time to dwell on that thought either as he heard a beep when Spock ran his key across the door lock. Did Leonard get a key?

As soon as Leonard got inside, he dropped his bags on the floor and climbed onto bed. He didn't even care if he didn't get under the blankets, or if he should've changed his clothes, he was just ready to sleep already. And so he did. 

\--

Leonard didn't really dream at all, before he woke up in the dark room. He was immediately confronted with the disgusting green abomination before him, glaring at him like an intruder. Damn alarm clocks always had that effect on people. The glowing green numbers said it was still too goddamn early for waking hours, so he just closed his eyes and rolled over. Back to sleep he went. 

-

This time when Leonard woke up, he had his head against something hard. He pulled the blankets up to his chin, ignoring it for later. How long could he sleep in before it mattered? Did it even matter that it mattered? He took a deep breath and continued to rest, just for a little bit. 

That is, until the thing against his head also took a deep breath. His eyes shot open to see a sleeping Spock right in front of him. The tops of their foreheads were pressed together, leaving their faces just inches away. Leonard almost, almost, panicked, but he came to his senses quickly. Or so he thought. He was just a little freaked out. 

But really, why was Spock right there? So close? What was the bastard up to?! Leonard tried his best to not move, but given his position on the bed, it seemed that the head pressing wasn't exactly one-sided. Their heads were both pretty much in the middle of the bed. So what? Living beings usually subconsciously sought out warmth anyway! This was just survival! 

But then he looked, really looked, at what was before him. A green-tinted, living, breathing, thing. Black eyelashes, upswept eyebrows, slightly messy but short black hair... And if he looked closely, a tiny scar on his left cheekbone. Possibly from a childhood injury- maybe a fight? Leonard's eyes travelled to Spock's mouth, which was open just the tiniest bit. He couldn't help but to think about how he's kissed those lips before. He couldn't help but to think that the Vulcan looked quite innocent. Maybe even looked...

Leonard swallowed down the thought, and moved away from the Vulcan. He carefully extracted himself from the bed, trying his best not to wake Spock up. He quietly dug into his luggage and got some clothes out. He then made his way to the bathroom, almost falling over Jim's box of presents for Joanna. Leonard rolled his eyes, shut the door, undressed, and took a shower. A real shower. With water. Oh how the suite life was...

When he finished and brushed his teeth and whatnot, he got out of the bathroom to see that Spock had ordered food. The man was sitting at the small table, eating a bagel with a fork and knife. Leonard made a face. 

"Why'n the hell're you eatin' that with a fork?" Leonard asked, grabbing himself a muffin and biting into it as he sat across from the Vulcan. If Spock didn't look like he was 300% done with Earth already, Leonard would've poked fun at how unprofessional his bedhead was too. 

"Vulcans do not touch our food with our hands." Spock said simply, not changing his expression. "As for 'looking 300% done,' I suppose that I have not accumulated enough sleep yet. Vulcans can only go without sleep for two to three weeks." At that Leonard glared at the man. His doctor senses kicking in, he could see that Spock did, in fact, look quite tired. Maybe last night's sleep wasn't enough for him? 

"How long have you been going without sleep? What've you been doing instead?" Leonard asked, continuing to eat his blueberry muffin. He briefly considered trying to eat it with a fork, but hell HE wasn't the one with sensitive hands. 

"I must take a shower, or else we will arrive later than expected-" Spock said, putting away his plate and utensils, and Leonard interrupted him. 

"Fine, fine." Leonard sighed, finishing his breakfast. Spock could avoid it if he wanted. After all, it was none of the doctor's business. None at all. 

\---

They stepped out of the rental car, and onto the driveway of Jocelyn's house. Leonard's old house. Oh how he almost missed the place. It was still painted that ugly beige color, with white primer. God, he always hated that. He sighed, and he and Spock walked up to the door and rung the doorbell. 

The door was barely open before Leonard was tackled by a small girl. "Daddy!!" Joanna yelled, and Leonard brought her up into his arms and spun her around. 

"Jo-Jo! God, I've missed you!" Leonard grinned, kissing her on the cheek. Jocelyn appeared in the doorway then, accompanied by a brown-haired man that he'd never seen before. Leonard's smile depleted, and he set Joanna down. "Jocelyn..." Leonard started, but the words got caught in his throat. 

"Leonard. I've... I've missed you." Jocelyn said quietly, smiling. Leonard smiled back, relieved that she wasn't going to pick a fight with him. 

"Uh, hi! My name's Sean. Nice to finally meet you." The man next to Jocelyn said, holding out his hand. Leonard nodded, and shook it. 

"Leonard. Nice to finally meet you, also." He said, trying to be polite. Sean smiled, and held out a hand to Spock. The Vulcan merely looked at it, probably not knowing how to best approach the situation. 

"Ah, this is Spock. He's a Vulcan, and they don't typically shake hands." Leonard intervened, feeling Spock's minor relief. Sean's smile dimmed as he withdrew his hand, and he and Jocelyn exchanged looks. 

"Well, come in!" Jocelyn said, beckoning everyone into the house. Joanna stayed glued by Leonard's side as they all went into the living room to sit. Jocelyn brought in some southern-style sweet tea for everyone. Leonard was quick to taste it, relishing in the fact that it brought back so many happy memories. 

"It's as sweet as it's always been." Leonard said with a smile, partly to compliment Jocelyn and partly as an indirect warning to Spock. Vulcan tea was a lot different from sweet tea. A lot less... well, sweet. 

"Oh, Spock!" Joanna said, as if remembering something. Jocelyn and Sean sat across from the three, on the two cream-colored chairs. Joanna held her hand out in front of her and looked at it in concentration before smiling triumphantly and holding it up. Her fingers were split in pairs, with the thumb sticking out. Spock raised his eyebrow and reciprocated the gesture. "I learned this on the Internet. It's how you greet each other, right?" 

"Yes, it is called the ta'al. It is a standard greeting, used by all Vulcans." Spock replied, and Leonard snorted at the teaching-moment so early on in the visit. He glanced at Sean and Jocelyn to see the two exchanging another look. What was with that?! 

"So," Sean said, puckering his lips and furrowing his brows in thought. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again to smile and say, "You're staying for lunch, right?" Leonard smiled back, relaxing into the couch. He and Spock looked at each other, as if they were silently discussing the topic. The Vulcan rose and eyebrow, and Leonard nodded. 

"Yeah, of course we will." Leonard said, looking back at the couple. He could hear Joanna make a pleased noise, but he was more interested in watching Sean's reaction. The man was just... blank. His smile remained unchanged, and he nodded. Leonard was curious about him already. 

\--

During lunch, they discussed a vast array of topics, having a few intermingled conversations. Sean seemed to enjoy asking lots of questions about Spock and 'his Vulcan people,' which Joanna was quite interested in as well. Leonard was too preoccupied with asking Jocelyn lots of questions to tune into their conversation over there. He wondered about the life they could've had. So he asked about Joanna, he asked about family and friends of family, and he asked about Jocelyn and how she was. 

Evidently, Jocelyn had the perfect life. The perfect boyfriend, perfect home, perfect daughter, perfect everything. And she was quite proud of it. She talked quite animatedly about her new life, even though nothing had really changed. Leonard listened anyway. He was just relieved that the woman wasn't slapping him around like the last time he was there. 

Things were pretty good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's with Sean though?  
> And why is Jocelyn so... ???  
> And why is Joanna being so quiet? 
> 
>  
> 
> ha


	14. wot

Spock woke up first this time, and the first thing he noticed was the warmth in front of him. He opened his eyes to reveal that their heads were pressed together, and nothing else. He willed his heartbeat not to speed up, willed his body not to produce more heat. All he did was look at the human before him, who seemed to be frowning even while asleep. 

Spock quietly and efficiently slipped out of bed, gathered some clothes, and took a very hot shower. He appreciated the heat that he could get, even from the smallest things. Hot anything- food, drinks, spaces, objects, Leonard- helped him cope with the Winter climate. Leonard said once that it "don't get too cold in Georgia," but compared to Vulcan, it was quite cold outside- especially in the mornings and evenings. 

He exited the shower, the steam filling the small bathroom and fogging up the mirror. He dried himself as best he could, and got dressed and brushed his teeth. His civilian clothes that he preferred were quite plain- standard blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a dark grey sweatshirt. Nothing to make him stand out amongst the rest of the people Earth. He didn't like to stand out. 

\---

"Over here!" Joanna yelled at them from across the park. Leonard looked to see that she was standing next to some bench tables, Sean and Jocelyn there as well. As Leonard and Spock approached, some small kids cutting off in front of them as they played tag, Joanna and another girl met them about half-way. The other girl had curly blond hair, and a very sweet smile. Joanna looked around before saying quietly, "This is my girlfriend, Stacey Darla. Stacey, this is my dad Leonard and his boyfriend Spock." 

Leonard gave her an exasperated look when she called Spock his boyfriend, but she hardly noticed. He instead turned his attention to Stacey and smiled, holding his hand out. "Hello, nice to finally meet you." Leonard said politely, and the girl shook his hand. She was only a little bit taller than Joanna, but seemed significantly more... proper. Joanna was quite the sporty and nerdy child. 

"Oh, and Spock doesn't shake hands. He does what's called the ta-al." Joanna said, and held up her hand for Stacey to mimic the gesture. She did it flawlessly, and smiled up at Spock, who returned the gesture (without the smile, obviously). "Good! Let's go meet up with my mom and Sean before they get too suspicious." Joanna decided, and they all started walking again. 

They all sat at one table; Leonard and Spock on one side, and Jocelyn, Sean, Joanna, and Stacey all on the other side. Leonard was actually relieved that they were separated in this way. Personal space was nice. 

Sean grabbed some bags and started unpacking some sandwiches, handing them all out. Then came chips, cans of soda and beer, and some other items. "It's nice, eating outside like this after so long." Leonard commented, and Jocelyn nodded. 

"I can imagine so." She said, smiling at him. She was being pretty nice to him, which was very strange, but definitely not unwelcome. He just enjoyed it while it lasted. He noticed Spock hesitated to grab his sandwich, and was about to open his mouth to ask something, but Leonard cut in instead. 

"Say, did you bring any vegetarian meals with you?" Leonard asked, opening a can of beer for himself. Sean's smile disappeared. 

"Vegetarian? No I don't have any. This wasn't an issue yesterday." Sean said, and Jocelyn glanced at him. Leonard blinked at him. 

"Yeah, it wasn't an issue yesterday, considering that meat wasn't the only source of food then." Leonard said, keeping his voice level. Sean scoffed. 

"But meat is essential to the diet! Surely you can eat it anyway, right?" Sean said, trying to laugh it off. Leonard was getting irritated now. 

"It is not essential to the diet, considering there are other ways to consume the nutrients that meat would otherwise provide." He explained, and Sean was about to retort, but Leonard continued anyway. "If you have no vegetarian meals, then I apologize, but Spock and I will be eating somewhere else." 

"No, please stay just for a little while!" Jocelyn pleaded, just as Leonard was about to get up. "Please, we're all happy that you're here." She said, and gave The Look to Sean. "And it would be nice to just keep talking for a while." She smiled sadly at them, and Leonard tried not to sigh. 

"Alright." He said quietly, looking at Spock. The Vulcan had been looking at him this whole time, and Leonard had to glare at him so that he wouldn't blow their cover. The last thing he wanted was Jocelyn and Sean figuring out that they were together. 

\---

"They know that you're together!" Joanna said over the phone, crying hysterically. Leonard froze in the middle of the sidewalk, causing Spock to look back and raise an eyebrow. Just before Leonard could ask questions, Joanna started talking again. "After you guys left Stacey and I went to the public bathroom together, and we were talking about it, and mom happened to be there- we didn't know! We didn't know she was there, I promise!" 

"Shh, honey it's okay." Leonard said, trying to calm her down. Spock came closer to him, and they both sat down on the bench. "It's okay- they were bound to figure out anyway, the way they kept prying about everything. It's not the end of the world. Do they know about you and Stacey?"

"No they don't, we were only talking about you two as a couple." Joanna answered sadly. Leonard sighed, feeling bad for her. Spock was looking at him intently. 

"Well, if they don't know about you, then we don't really have a problem." Leonard explained, trying to make her feel better. "I'm not the one who has to live with them for the next few years. It's all okay, Jo-Jo. I promise." 

"Yeah, okay... I'm sorry, and I love you." Joanna said, making Leonard smile. 

"I love you too, Jo-Jo." He replied, and hung up the phone and sighed. "Well, Jocelyn and Sean know about us now. That'll make dinner tonight pretty interesting... Or we could just not go?" 

"They insisted on providing us with the meal in order to make up for earlier. Would it not be rude to decline?" Spock said, and they both stood up to walk into the restaurant. It was a simple place, that actually had a vegetarian menu likes most restaurants did by that time. They weren't living in the iPhone ages, for gods sake. People were a lot more respectful. 

The waiter seated them in a booth, gave them their menus, and wrote down their drinks. After she left, Leonard continued the conversation. "Yeah, it would be rude to say no. I guess we'll have to deal with it." 

"You did not have to start an argument with Sean about the food choice. I could have fended for myself." Spock said, staring at him. Leonard glared at his menu, looking at the vast array of meal choices. 

"Yeah, you could have. But you shouldn't have to. This whole place is my home, and you're a guest. Guests should be treated right." Leonard said, deciding that he'll get a shiitake burger. It was one of his favorite foods that he hadn't had in a long time. He slapped his menu shut and sighed, still glaring. "Some people 'round here just forget their hospitality. Especially when it concerns non-humans. This day 'n age, xenophobia won't get you nowhere." 

Spock stayed silent at that, so Leonard looked up at him. The Vulcan's silence throughout the whole trip was somewhat worrisome, but not altogether unwelcome, honestly. But Leonard couldn't help but feel that Spock was just feeling passive since he was in a new place with old-fashioned people that he didn't know. The waitress took their orders, and when she walked away, Leonard couldn't help but eye her retreating form. He really couldn't help it! Old habits really did die hard... But look at that ass! 

\---

They spent the next couple of hours walking around the city, visiting several shops and attractions until it was time to go to Jocelyn's for dinner. They found where they parked the rental car, and Leonard took the wheel and drove them to the house. 

Leonard was going to wait longer to give it to her, but he decided to take the box of stuff out of the back of the car to give to her as soon as he saw her. Jocelyn answered the door with a smile. "Come in, come in!" She said, ushering them inside. It smelled like cleaning chemicals, and Jocelyn rushed to open a window. "Sorry, time got ahead of me while I was cleaning. I'm trying to air the house out now, get that chemical smell out. Uhh, what's that box?" 

"Oh, Jim Kirk- our Captain and my best friend- got Joanna some presents of some sort. Probably to make up for never meeting her in person." Leonard said, setting the box down next to the couch. Jocelyn eyed it for a couple seconds before smiling and moving herself into the kitchen. 

"How nice of him!" She exclaimed, and started wiping down the dining table, even though it was already spotless. Leonard frowned and moved closer to her. "Ah, sorry, I'm just trying to keep things clean." She said nervously, scrubbing at the table. Leonard grabbed her wrist gently and she pulled away quickly. "Don't touch me, Leonard!" She demanded, pointing at him. He held up his hands in surrender, but continued to frown at her. He'd never seen her act like this. "We don't take kindly to gays around here, you know. As soon as I knew the truth, I had to clean the house. Had to rid it of the-"

"I'm not gay!" Leonard rushed to tell her, putting his arms down. Jocelyn actually looked relieved at that.

"Oh, thank the Lord. Then that means that it's just a pass time- just a... a distraction. Not actual love!" Jocelyn laughed harshly, and Leonard glared at her. 

"You--" Leonard was about to start accusing her of things related to their divorce, but the front door opened. 

"Ah! Sean and Joanna are back from the store!" Jocelyn exclaimed, and Leonard gaped after her as she met them at the door. 

"She's gone completely psychotic..." He muttered, and almost suggested that they leave, but Joanna ran up to him. 

"Daddy! Are you guys okay?" Joanna asked, then lowered her voice to say, "I think she's going psycho." Leonard nodded, and exchanged a look with Spock before talking to Joanna again.

"Yeah, it seems so. Take that box by the couch. It's from Jim. Make sure they don't confiscate it." He said quietly, and she nodded and ran to get the box. Leonard took a deep breath, and smiled sarcastically. "This'll be fun!" He exclaimed, and Spock gave him a look. If he was interpreting right, the look either said 'don't start anything' or 'I fucking hate you.' 

Honestly, it could've been either. 

-

They all sat at the table, eating silently. Joanna kept glancing between Leonard and Sean, but both of them stayed silent for most of the dinner. That is, until Leonard decided to make a completely acceptable comment. "Very good dinner, Jocelyn. The vegetables are especially exceptional." He smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

"Why thank you, Leonard. I really appreciate it." Jocelyn answered, and Sean eyed the two of them. No doubt trying to figure out if they were being sincere or not. 

When they all finished their meal, they were all ushered to the living room to chat about things. Except for Leonard, who meandered back towards Jocelyn. 

"I'll help you with the dishes. Help you get them all clean." Leonard said with a smile, and walked into the kitchen before she could object. When it was just the two of them, Leonard whispered, "What's your deal now? I'm the same as I always was. I'm not gay, I'm not-"

"Not gay? Are you sure? Because you're dating a man! Isn't that what gay means?!" Jocelyn retorted, also keeping her voice low. Leonard glared at her. 

"Listen, I didn't even want a relationship with him in the first place. The only relationship I ever wanted was with you, and look what you did with that! Cheated on me with some guy you dated back in high school!" Leonard argued with her, and she scoffed. 

"You don't want a relationship with him? Then why don't you leave it?! And you didn't want to be with me! You were always more interested in your work! You never had time for me!" She sighed and tried walking away, but Leonard grabbed her face in his hands. 

"Jocelyn... I promised you that I would dance with you until the end of time. That night, when you chose me over Clay so that we could dance together... Didn't you feel anything?" Leonard pleaded with her, wanting answers after all these years.

"Of course I felt something!" Jocelyn said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I've only ever loved you, Leonard. But all you did was work, and I was lonely, and-"

"And so you slept with someone else and kicked me off the planet?!" Leonard dropped his hands from her face and shook his head. "I don't understand you anymore, Jocelyn. Time can't repair any of this- you, me, Joanna... It's all done. You need to kick your old habits of sleeping with three men at one time, because honey, one of these days Joanna's going to get hurt worse than you ever did. One of these days, karma's going to catch up with you. And you need to prepare for that." He didn't really know what he was saying- all he knew is that he wanted his daughter to be safe. If Jocelyn can stay safe at the same time, well, he won't count that as a loss. 

"I know, Leonard. I know." Jocelyn said, and she walked forward and embraced him. He hugged her back, and closed his eyes. This is what could've been. But it wasn't. And sometimes he was happy for that. 

"Sean!" Joanna yelled from the other room, and Leonard felt a sudden burning pain on his cheek. He separated himself from Jocelyn and rushed into the other room, where he found Spock standing stiffly, one hand to his face. As soon as Leonard could register Sean's position in the room, he was on top of him. He punched the man square in the face, ignoring Joanna's screams in the background, but Sean also fought back. He socked Leonard in the jaw, which only made him more angry. 

They continued to hit each other until hands grabbed Leonard and pulled him roughly off of Sean. "Get off me, Spock! Sean, you bastard!" Leonard was yelling, and squirmed his way out of Spock's grasp. Sean eyed Spock, seemingly ready to attack, but Leonard stepped in the way. "Touch him again, and I'll put you in the fucking hospital quicker than you can even imagine." He threatened, and Sean eyed him, as if thinking about trying to call the bluff. 

Leonard silently dared him to call it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I only saw you guys' comments right before I posted this chapter, so I didn't really get to answer your questions yet. However, that's what the next chapter is for!   
> I hope I won't disappoint about the box, you guys seem pretty curious about it. :$


	15. Show me

And boy, was Sean an idiot. Before the man could advance two steps in their direction, Leonard roundhouse kicked him in the head, effectively landing him on the ground and knocking him out. Leonard took a deep breath, centering himself, and turned to the petrified Jocelyn. "I guess it's time for us to leave now." Leonard said, rubbing his left cheekbone. He'd have some light bruising, but luckily no black eyes or a bloody nose. He never was very easy to bruise, thank god. "His head will hurt pretty bad when he wakes up. You can keep him here or take him to the hospital. He should stay in bed and rest for several hours after waking." Leonard said, but Jocelyn just gaped at him. 

Leonard bent down and hugged Joanna, who held onto him tightly. "I love you daddy, no matter what." She said, before whispering in his ear, "Thank you for putting him in his place." Leonard smiled and rolled his eyes, even though she couldn't have seen that. He kissed her cheek and let go of her. 

"I love you too, Jo-Jo. Be sure to video call, a lot." Leonard said, and she nodded avidly. He turned to Jocelyn while Joanna rushed over to say her goodbyes to Spock. "Goodbye, Jocelyn." He said quietly, and she nodded. 

"Goodbye, Leonard." She answered quietly. Leonard nodded and turned around. Joanna hugged Spock suddenly, and the poor Vulcan didn't really know what to do before he hesitantly hugged her back. Leonard snorted and went to the door, avoiding the man on the floor. Spock joined him shortly, and they exited the house. 

After a silent trip back to their hotel room, Leonard sat on the bed and sighed. "That... felt good." 

"No, it did not." Spock said shortly, standing in front of him. Leonard glared up at the Vulcan. 

"What's your problem? It turned out okay in the end." He said, but Spock shook his head. 

"He hurt you." Spock said quietly, and Leonard continued to glare.

"He hurt YOU!" He said louder, and Spock held his gaze. 

"It wasn't necessary to be violent." Spock said, making Leonard sigh. Again. 

"He made it necessary. He hit you, and I wasn't going to let him get away with that, damn it!" Leonard argued and stood up, heading for the bathroom. "I'm going to take a hot shower." He grumbled, closing the door behind him. 

The water felt good on the places that he got hit, and he let out a deep breath. Did he do the right thing? Maybe. Did it feel good? Definitely. Even though he was hurting, even though he'll have at least a couple of bruises on his face and on his knuckles, he still felt good. Before he could justify his actions by thinking of his feelings for Spock, he thought about how he'd do the same thing if it were Jim. Wouldn't he? ... No. No, he wouldn't. In fact, there had been several occasions where Jim had gotten into fights, and Leonard had either waited it out (harmless drunken brawl), or just took Jim away from the area completely. He usually tried to avoid fights, being a doctor and all that. 

Maybe he finally found someone worth risking his safety for. 

Or maybe he was trying to defend his pride. Yep, it was pride. Definitely. 

He got into bed, feeling infinitely tired, and fell asleep quickly. Shore leave wasn't supposed to be this stressful. 

\--

Leonard woke up to the room filling with sunlight, and opened his eyes to (predictably) find his and Spock's noggins pressed together. He sighed quietly, and got up as quiet as he could. He was still tired, but he didn't think that he could go back to sleep. He just headed down to the hotel's lobby to see if they had any breakfast down there. 

-

And so shore leave ended a few peaceful days later, with no significant events whatsoever. Spock continued to be quiet and thoughtful about everything, and Leonard continued to stare at the rear ends of waitresses and glare at anyone who looked at him. 

-

"Holy mother of Jesus Christ what in the hell happened?" Jim said as soon as he saw Leonard on the ship. The doctor snorted and shook his head. 

"Nice to see you too, Jim. Got into a scuffle the other day. I'm not talking about it." Leonard grunted, walking towards sickbay. "Gotta check in, make sure everything's in order. When do we take off?"

"Five hours. I'll see you later!" Jim called after him, but Leonard just rolled his eyes. After so long away, he was ready to get back to work and get some distractions. Shore leave was just a little more than he could handle, especially since Spock pretty much stopped talking to him by the last day. The bastard. 

The nurses were already putzing around the sickbay, organizing things and making the sure the area was neat and tidy. M'Benga was overseeing the installment of some new equipment, to which Leonard headed over to watch. "Ah, Dr. McCoy! Nice to see you back." The man eyed Leonard's slightly bruised face, but chose not to comment. Smart man. "This is the newest and best machine for tissue repair." Leonard snorted. 

"Yeah, they keep inventin' machines like this and they'll put us outta our jobs." Leonard grumbled, and walked off. He'd read the instruction manual for the new machine later. Right then, it was time to get everything back into order, just the way it was. 

\--

After a long day of preparation and making sure people were still healthy, Leonard left work and went to the mess for a late meal. He ate really lightly before trudging back to his quarters. He was already quite tired from the sudden stress of getting back to work. He was beyond ready to go to sleep for the night. 

Leonard snuggled his head against the pillow, pulling the blankets up to his chin. He couldn't help but feel a little cold, now that they were in space, it was sort of inevitable... Even though it was winter on Earth and he never really got cold while he was there. He sighed, trying to clear his mind. 

After flipping and tossing and turning and sighing for at least an hour, Leonard groaned loudly. What the hell?! He'd been able to sleep fine for the past few years, what changed now? He hit his head on the headboard, and it clicked. Spock. Waking up with their heads together had become so normal, and the heat beside him in the bed was a comfort. He glared inwardly. Did he really enjoy going to sleep with another man? Couldn't he just hypo himself into sleeping? But that wasn't healthy. But flopping around all night wasn't healthy either. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, he forced himself out of bed. He snatched up his pillow and trudged out of his quarters, rubbing his eyes along the way. God he was so tired. His bruises were mostly small and faded, but now he had bags under his eyes and messy hair. 

Leonard suddenly got self-conscious, but he pushed the thought away. Spock was the one who was usually on him about being more intimate, he could deal with it if Leonard wasn't as pretty as he usually was. Was he being too unreasonable?

Where was he? He felt like he walked the whole way with eyes closed, but Commander Spock's door was there. He knocked quietly, knowing that the Vulcan's super-hearing would prevail. Spock appeared at the door, eyebrow raised. Leonard just looked at him, not knowing how to form his thoughts on why exactly he was there. Spock looked the man up and down, saw his pillow, and stood to the side to let him in. Leonard smiled tiredly, and walked in while rubbing one of his eyes. 

They both got into bed, Leonard shoving his pillow next to Spock's and laying down against it. The bed was much smaller than the one at the hotel, though, so they were much closer together. He didn't turn over this time, though. He and Spock just stared at each other silently, until Leonard closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately. 

\--- 

They woke up, heads together as usual, the alarm beeping at them. Leonard groaned, and Spock shut off the alarm. 

"Time's'it?" Leonard slurred, rolling away from Spock and the godforsaken object that woke them up. 

"It is 05:00." He heard Spock say, and he made a face. 

"Jesus Christ why'd'you get up so fucking early?" Leonard groaned again, trying to bury his face in the pillow. 

"Go back to sleep. I will wake you when I am finished getting ready." Spock said, and Leonard sighed. He might as well obey that order...   
...  
"Leonard, it is time to wake up." Spock said quietly, a hand on his shoulder. Leonard sighed, rubbed his race tiredly, and rolled over. It was 05:30 now, but he felt like it had only been three seconds. He sighed again, and got out of bed. 

"I didn't even bring any of my clothes." Leonard scolded himself, facepalming. Already dressed, Spock just raised an eyebrow at him. 

"You may borrow my clothes, if you wish. I cannot imagine that our clothing sizes are quite different." Spock suggested, and Leonard narrowed his eyes at him. First sleeping in his bed, now borrowing his clothes? Wasn't that a bit overboard?! 

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Spock." Leonard said, and Spock gestured for him to go at his drawers. He did so, and the Vulcan lit some incense. Morning meditation, huh? Ever the peaceful, sentimental being. Damn hobgoblins...

\---

"Leonard! Great to see you!" Christine smiled broadly at Leonard as he walked into Sickbay. "Sorry I couldn't catch you yesterday, I was busy attending to other things. Did you have a good shore leave?" 

"Yeah, it was alright. Aside from a few little things. Got to see my daughter, and she finally got to meet Spock." Leonard said, heading to his office, knowing Christine would follow. 

"Oh, you spent your vacation with Spock?" Christine asked, sounding somewhat distant. She stood across from him at the desk, and he nodded at her in affirmation. She suddenly gasped and lifted his chin up with her hand. "You're bruised! How'd that happen?" She asked worriedly, and Leonard snorted and moved across the room, trying to busy himself with other things. 

"I just got into a fight- nothing to worry about." Leonard answered, shaking his head. 

"A fight... with Spock?" Christine spoke quietly, and Leonard turned around quickly to look at her incredulously. 

"What? No! I mean, Spock was involved, but only because I was tryin' to beat the ass of some guy who punched him. Damn psycho..." He grumbled, and turned back around. Things around there really got disorganized fast, with all the hype of any emergencies and all that. It was a wonder that they didn't CAUSE any emergencies...

"... So you and Spock are together? Actually together? Still?" Christine asked quietly, and Leonard sighed. He turned to face her again, but he stayed like that this time. 

"Yes, we're still together. We may do absolutely nothing that would make us a couple, but yes, we are together. And..." He hesitated, but Christine held his gaze with a kind demeanor. "When you and I would get together in Ten Forward... I had a lot of fun. And you're incredibly beautiful, Christine. I would've loved to spend more time with you. But I can't let that continue if you think that there's something still going on between us. It's time that I actually face the music with Spock-"

"So you love him?" Christine interrupted, and Leonard scoffed at her. 

"Is that all you got from that?! Jesus..." Leonard shook his head. "Let's actually get to work, now, Nurse." He said, giving her The Look, and she nodded at him. She did look pretty disappointed, and she didn't quite treat him the same way as she used to, but they'd both have to deal with that. 

A few people had gotten mildly sick over the leave, so Leonard treated them as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then some were feeling a little space-sick, where Leonard could definitely sympathize. The transition was always the hardest. It usually got better in a few days. 

During lunchtime, their little group of friends all sat together, Spock and Leonard sitting together as usual, but this time it actually felt natural. Jim kept trying to make conversation with people (trying to see if anyone got laid), but most kindly ignored him. Leonard just flipped him off and continued with his food. 

"What DID you guys do over break?" Jim asked, throwing up his hands. 

"I helped out at the Academy. They paid me to give crash courses on the grammar of different languages. Easy money." Uhura said with a shrug. Leonard snorted. It was always business with her. 

"Hikaru and I went to Vegas to see ze sights... and stuff." Chekov said, shoving spoonfuls of soup in his mouth. 

"Leonard and I visited Joanna in Georgia." Spock supplied, and Jim nodded at him. 

"How'd that go?" He asked, and Leonard glared at him. 

"So you don't even respond to anyone else's shore leave experience but ours?" Leonard asked, and Jim grinned. 

"Well they didn't return to my ship with bruises on their faces, did they?!" He asked, trying to seem good-natured. Leonard just rolled his eyes, got up, and left. He needed to call Joanna, check up on how things were going now that he was a safe distance away from Earth. 

Once he got to Spock's quarters, he let himself inside to use the computer. The Vulcan wouldn't be offended, would he? But then again, who cared? Leonard wasn't going to walk all the way to sickbay to call his daughter! 

The video call started, and Joanna popped up, sitting in her room as per usual. "Hi dad! How're you? How's Spock?" She was bombarding him with questions already, making him smile and shake his head. 

"I'm okay. Spock... I can imagine that he's doing well. How are you?" He diverged from talking about his and Spock's feelings, since both were locked away securely. 

"I'm good! Mom and Sean had arguments for a few days after you two left, but they're good now. Sean even apologized for causing a scene. He can be nice when he wants to." She explained, babbling on. Her face suddenly got excited, as if she remembered something. "Oh! Also, I had been waiting until things calmed down at home to open Jim's box, so I did yesterday, and..." She moved off the frame, and heaved the box into view. "He got me all kinds of cool stuff! Seriously!" Leonard snorted. 

"Jim? Cool? You sure?" He asked, and she giggled.

"Yes, I'm sure. Look." Joanna started pulling things out of the box. "Some of this stuff is totally random, like little knick-knacks from different planets. But look at this." She heaved a thick book, and opened the cover to pull out a letter. "He left this note: 'Dear Jo-Jo... Can I call you Jo-Jo? Bones calls you that. Anyway, I've never met you, but you sound like a pretty great kid. I feel like we're close because of how much Bones talks about you, so I started grabbing these because they reminded me of you. It started with just a tiny book, but eventually that wasn't enough, so I found this giant one on Anaria III- a really tropical, gorgeous planet. Hope you like it!" 

Joanna giggled, put the note back under the cover, and opened the book from the middle. "See, he left these!" She showed Leonard the content, which was page after page of pressed leaves and flowers. "Not only just the flowers and leaves and stuff, but he also left notes on every page about what plant or tree or bush it was from, what planet, what happened on the mission, and all sorts of stuff! I can't stop reading it. I get to learn so much more about your life, Jim, Spock, and your crew... It's amazing!" She grinned, and Leonard couldn't help but smile. That Jim was such the romantic bastard...

"How does he even think of these things?" Leonard laughed, shaking his head. Joanna just kept grinning, and pulled more things out of the box. 

"No idea, but... There's all sorts of exotic items in here: statuettes of planet rulers and deities, children's toys, books in different alien languages- even a mini set of tridimensional chess!" Joanna exclaimed, holding examples of each item up as she said them. At the chess set, Leonard snorted. Jim just kept getting weirder and weirder in his mind. "There's also some gorgeous pieces of jewelry in here." She pulled out a smaller, engraved wooden box and started showing the different rings and necklaces and bracelets and earrings. "I'm going to try to convince mom to let me get my ears pierced so that I can start wearing these." She smiled, looking at all the wares. 

"He really spoiled you. I'll have to tell him how much you're enjoying the gifts-"

"So much! I'm enjoying them a lot! Please tell him thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Please, dad." Joanna begged, and Leonard laughed again. 

"Of course I will, honey." He reassured her, and she smiled back at him. They continued to talk for a long time, until eventually she had to go to bed. Leonard had no idea how much stuff Jim had accumulated for Joanna over the years. The man really did care...

Spock didn't arrive for another hour, so Leonard debated his options. Go back to his own room to try to sleep alone, or stay here and try to get away with having Spock share his bed again? It's not like it was a bad thing to stay, right? It didn't mean anything. It just meant that he was cold. Nobody can sleep while they're cold!

After brushing his teeth and stripping to his (Spock's) undershirt and boxers, Leonard reduced the lights to fifteen percent and slipped into bed. Maybe Spock just wouldn't notice he was there... He closed his eyes and drifted off. 

Leonard woke up to a slouch in the bed, and he opened his eyes to see Spock settling in beside him. "I apologize, ashayam." He whispered, facing him. Leonard narrowed his eyes at him. 

"What's that mean?" He asked, and Spock stayed silent as the tips of his ears turned green. 

"It is Vulcan for 'beloved'." He answered, and Leonard nodded. That made it feel very real, though. Suddenly the significance of their relationship came crashing down on Leonard. The bond, their time together, That Night... "Does it trouble you to think of such things?" Spock whispered, no doubt knowing Leonard's thoughts. 

"Do you regret it?" Leonard asked suddenly, referring to That Night. Their drunken stammerings, heavy sex, the stressful consequences. Spock didn't answer for a while, almost making him worry. 

"It is illogical to dwell on the past." Spock said, and Leonard glared at him. "However..." He continued, making Leonard's glare go away. "Regardless of logic, I do not regret it. I find that I would rather have ended up bonded to you than any other person that I have encountered thus far." At that, Leonard... what did he do? Nothing. He was speechless. It was definitely not the reaction that he was expecting. "Do you find yourself regretting 'That Night,' Leonard?" 

"Uh..." He hesitated, putting a lot of thought into it. He wasn't afraid of being harsh, so he just said what was on his mind. "Yeah. In the beginning. But... I can't really, I don't know... Picture a life without you?" He swallowed down his fear and apprehension, and changed the direction of the subject. "I mean... That Night... tell me about it. I know we melded, so we both remember it, but tell me from your perspective." 

"We partook in violent intercourse." Spock said bluntly. 

"That's all you associate that night with?" Leonard asked, since he knew that he personally tended to think of other things as well.

"Was it not the most significant part of the night?" Spock asked, and Leonard bit his lip. 

"I guess it could be, but don't you ever think about the other more... intimate parts?" Leonard whispered, and Spock considered for a moment. 

"I hadn't really thought the idea of inebriated actions to be very sincere." He answered, turning onto his back and breathing deeply. 

"It's not like we weren't ourselves." Leonard countered, turning onto his back as well. He felt like the tables had turned- he was the curious one and Spock was the evasive one. 

"I don't like to think that it takes a different state of mind to be romantic with someone." Spock said, talking bluntly again. 

"But we weren't even together then-"

"However, sometimes I wonder if you would need to be drunk in order to simply look in my direction." Spock interrupted, and Leonard looked over at him. His jaw was clenched and he was staring up at the ceiling. "I wonder if I only matter to you when I am in danger- like when I was stabbed, or when Sean punched me. I wonder if you have any respect for me, staring at women when we're together and dining with them when we're not." 

"I... You..." Leonard tried to say something, but he just didn't know what. "I'm not-"

"You are not homosexual, you are not used to being with men, you have never- dare I say- _really_ been with a man." Spock kept going on, Leonard wanting to interrupt. "You want the perfect heterosexual life, with a loving wife and children who-" 

"Shut up, Spock!" Leonard demanded, getting out of bed and walking to the door. He heard Spock get up as well. 

"I have been nothing but patient with you, Leonard! While you decided to go out with Nurse Chapel multiple times, I did not interfere!" Spock yelled at him, making him turn around so that they could face each other. "While you speak of only ever loving Jocelyn, I stood silently in the other room! While you were staring at women in public, I was staring at you!"

"What do you want from me, Spock?!" Leonard yelled back, taking a step forward. 

"I want you to love me like I love you!" Spock shouted, before looking down at the floor. He took a deep, jagged breath, and covered his mouth with his hand. Leonard's heartbeat picked up as he moved closer to the Vulcan. The man looked close to tears, and Leonard remembered that other than their relationship issues, Spock had a lot to endure. Had he been holding in too much hurt?

"Spock..." Leonard started, but the Vulcan shook his head. 

"Don't... I don't want to break apart in front of you." Spock said quietly, turning his back on him. Leonard frowned, worried even more. He tried walking around Spock, but the man kept turning his head away. "I have to be a Vulcan, and compose my emotions. Please." 

"Spock." Leonard said again, walking around Spock and making him look at him. "You don't have to be anything for me. Just be you." Tears slid down Spock's face immediately at those words, and Leonard wrapped his arms around him. They embraced each other tightly, Spock crying quietly. Leonard just held onto him, rubbing his back gently, trying to show him that he cared. 

After a short while, Spock took a deep breath, and wiped away his tears. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, and let go. Leonard shook his head. 

"Never be sorry for showing your emotions, Spock." He answered, nudging him to the bed so that they could both lay back down. "I'm the one who is truly sorry." He said while they got under the blankets. 

They faced each other again, and Leonard put his hand on Spock's cheek. He wiped away the last tear from under his eye, and leaned forward. He hesitated, since the other man didn't lean forward with him, but he pressed his lips to Spock's anyway. His heartbeat sped up significantly, and he pulled away to look at the Vulcan. They stared at each other for a long time before falling asleep in peace.


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Leonard walked into Sickbay and heard the nurses chattering in the distance. He just rolled his eyes and trudged on, knowing that the whole ship was prone to petty gossip. That is, until he heard his name. He glared and strained to listen. 

"... but is it real? ... you think so?"

"... but Leonard seemed so interested in women, I..." 

"... how long do you think..."

"... saw them going to Spock's quarters..."

Leonard glared harder and sighed. He'd have to face this head on. He walked around to the location of the nurses, and they stopped talking immediately when they saw him. "What did I say about gossip in my sickbay?" He lectured, and a few of them blushed and looked away. "If you have any concerns, tell me directly, otherwise-"

"Doctor, are you and Spock really together?" Nurse Lanna blurted out, looking embarrassed after she said it. Christine gaped at her. 

"Yep. Is that all?" Leonard said bluntly, still scowling at them. They looked at each other, seeming to communicate telepathically. He tried not to just walk away or to yell at them. Both options were equally tempting. 

"Well..." Nurse Jen said quietly, avoiding eye contact. "It's hard to imagine that Spock can be very... intimate. And you've always seemed so interested in women." 

"Well, girls, hate to break it to you, but it ain't really any of your damn business." Leonard said angrily. "But if it helps you sleep at night, our relationship a very happy and very healthy one. So zip your little mouths shut about it and get to work!" They all nodded avidly, and scrambled away. Christine was the only one that lingered, but she eventually went off to work. Leonard sighed. Of course he had to lie about the happy and healthy relationship thing. The only way to shut the little lambs up.

\--

Half-way through his shift, Leonard bumped into a piece of equipment distractedly and flinched when his arm started burning. Panicked, he checked his arm for any wounds. None? He looked at what he bumped into, then looked at his arm. Then the equipment, then his arm again. Why did that hurt so damn bad?! Nothing cut him, and there were no substances to burn him. 

Leonard frowned at his arm for a while, and touched it even, but couldn't come to any conclusions. Until it clicked. Spock! It was probably Spock that got hurt! Looking around, he grabbed the first Regulation First Aid Kit that he could find, and ran out of sickbay. A nurse called after him, but he ignored her. 

It took far too long before he got to the science lab (how'd he know Spock was going to be there, anyway?), and he was heaving once he got through the door. He saw Spock, standing in a defensive position, trying to negotiate with a another science officer named Beur, who was across the table from him. Beur was holding a dissecting knife, breathing heavily. He hadn't noticed Leonard yet, but Spock didn't give any signs that would allow Beur the suspicion. "If you would accompany me to Sickbay-"

"I said no, Vulcan scum! Romulans killed my brother two weeks ago on his two year mission! You and all your kin deserve to be wiped from existence!" Beur screamed, and Leonard quickly but quietly went through the first aid kit to see if there was a damn sedative in there. Evidently he wasn't quiet enough, since Beur wiped around and saw him. "Oh, so the little boyfriend of the stupid devil-spawn comes to try and save the day! How cute! Drop the kit and get over there with him!" He pointed at Leonard with his knife, and used it to gesture over to where Spock was standing, across the table from them. Leonard glared and moved over to join the Vulcan. 

He immediately scanned Spock with his eyes, seeing that the only injury visible was a faint cut on his arm. He must have been quick for the knife to barely have broken through his sleeve, but there was still blood seeping through. Spock gave him a look that either said "What the fuck are you doing here" or "Get ready to fight." It could've been either.

While they were busy looking at each other, Beur leaped over the table and tackled Leonard to the floor, but was soon thrown off by Spock. Leonard rubbed the back of his head where it hit the ground, and got up quickly. While Spock was wrestling with Beur, Leonard ran and searched through the first aid kit, drawing out a hypo loaded with a sedative. He hardly had time to thank god for it before he ripped Beur off of Spock. 

The man scuffled with him before wrenching the hypo out of his hands. Leonard cursed. "You'll have to do better than that, you Yank!" Beur spat, now holding both the hypo and the knife. He walked forward, backing both Leonard and Spock into a wall. Christ, everybody knew you were never supposed to get backed into the wall! He wondered when Spock was going to get them out of this with his cat-like reflexes, but then he realized that the man was both injured and emotionally reserved. To let out all his Vulcan rage and fighting instinct would be suicide. 

A scenario popped into his head suddenly, and he knew that it must have come from Spock somehow. If Leonard attacked, then Spock could get behind the man and nerve pinch him. He also knew that Spock also hated the idea, since it would put Leonard in danger, but it would be the best course of action. No weapons, no way to contact security even if they yelled, and no escape. 

Beur walked closer to them, and Spock tried moving his body in front of Leonard, but the doctor tried to get in front of Spock instead. "Fuck off, Spock." He growled, his jaw clenched, and shoved himself in front Spock, pressed against him. There was no way he'd allow the Vulcan to suffer another injury. 

"What a cute couple." Beur snickered. "Protecting each other, even though you're both going to watch one another die-" Leonard sprung forward, grabbing Beur's hands and knocking the hypo out of his grasp. The knife was slashed around before Beur fell to the ground. Spock immediately called security, then walked over to Leonard and embraced him. 

"I apologize deeply to you, Leonard, for putting you in danger." Spock said, gripping (crushing) him tightly. 

"It's okay, Spock. You can... you can loosen your grip on me a bit though." Leonard coughed out, and Spock ever-so-slightly lessened his hold on him. Security came and grabbed Beur, cautiously avoiding the couple for now. Questions could be answered later. "I'm just happy you're okay." Leonard said, and pushed away. "We need to take you to Sickbay." 

"You need care as well, Doctor." Spock said, raising a hand to Leonard's face and stroking his thumb across his cheekbone. He suddenly felt pain there, and he put his own fingers up to feel a cut that he didn't know he had. Must've been too in the moment to realize it. 

Once they got to Sickbay, Nurse Lanna cleaned Leonard's wound while Christine tended to Spock. "It's very superficial, and the bleeding has stopped already, so you don't need any bandages if you don't want it. Just keep the wound clean and-"

"Yeah, I got it, thanks." Leonard said, and walked over to Spock and Christine. He could hear Nurse Lanna sigh irritably behind him. Spock was sitting on the biobed, and Christine was just finishing his bandage. "How's it going over here?"

"The cut's fine, it's bandaged correctly and will heal quickly due to his Vulcan physiology." Christine reported, and Leonard nodded. 

"Thank you, Christine, really." He said, giving her a tired smile. She smiled back, and walked off. Leonard watched her go with a sigh. 

"Are you still interested in her?" Spock asked quietly, and Leonard whipped around to gape at him. 

"If I wanted her I wouldn't be here with you, now would I?" Leonard retorted, and sat next to Spock on the bed. "I don't know what I would have done if you got... if you..."

"Nor I, if it were you." Spock whispered back, and Leonard wrapped his arm around him. 

"This doesn't... You know, what you said last night... You getting hurt now doesn't mean that I'm suddenly..." Leonard sighed, trying to find the right words. Luckily, Spock was smart and knew exactly what he was trying to say. 

"I know, ashayam." He replied, leaning to press their heads together. "All is well, now."

\---

During dinner, nobody really ate as Leonard and Spock both explained to Jim and the others what happened with Beur. Evidently Spock had been working alone in the lab, waiting to be joined by Sulu, when Beur came in. He started going on about his brother and the connection they shared, before grabbing a knife and explaining that Romulans had killed him. He said that all Romulans- and Vulcans, since they were practically the same species- deserved to die for their ruthlessness. Spock tried to talk some sense into Beur, but he just wouldn't listen. 

The whole dinner time was tense, and Spock and Leonard kept giving each other looks- as if they both needed the constant reassurance that the other was still there, alive and well. They kept bumping knees and elbows, brushing arms and shoulders, leaning towards each other in some sort of magnetic pull that nobody could've explained. 

As soon as they got into Spock's quarters, they were on each other. Leonard balled his fist in the Vulcan's short hair, his mouth already wet with their combined saliva. Spock moved them to the bed and got on top of him, working his tongue into his mouth. Leonard moaned as their tongues mingled, and his hands explored Spock's chest and back. He worked his hands under Spock's shirt and pulled it off quickly, his hands now able to paw at the Vulcan's exposed torso. 

Leonard's shirt was pulled off also, and Spock's sensitive hands ravaged his body in swift motions. Their hips grinding, Leonard grasped Spock's butt to push him down against it. The Vulcan moaned, and pulled away. Before he could say anything, Leonard spoke first. "I'm not going to be the bottom." While temporarily fazed, Spock looked quite uncomfortable with that statement. 

"We both switched positions during That Night, surely you could withstand it." Spock tried to reason with him, but he only glared back.

"If you don't bottom, I'll leave." He said bluntly, and Spock clenched his jaw. Then a thought popped into his head. "We don't have any condoms. Or lube. We need both of those things or I'm calling it off, damn it." 

"Sickbay supplies such items." Spock said, but Leonard grimaced. Go all the way over to Sickbay? Now? He had a better solution.

"Here, move." Leonard said, pushing Spock out of the way. He got off the bed and walked through the bathroom and walked into Jim's quarters without knocking. Luckily, the captain wasn't even there, so he didn't have to deal with his whiny perverted ass. He rummaged through the captain's drawers before finding an array of sexual items (were some of these even allowed aboard the ship?), and found what he wanted. Without leaving any trace that he was there, he closed Jim's door and the bathroom door and returned to Spock. 

"How did you know that Jim would have-?" 

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bind, Jim is the most precarious person alive. Of course he has these- among other things- stashed away in his quarters." Leonard explained, setting the lube and condoms down on the bedside table. They both removed their boots, socks, and pants. Leonard then started kissing Spock again so that he wouldn't ask any more questions. He got on top of the Vulcan, rubbing their groins together, making them both moan into each other's mouths. 

Leonard's face was getting warm from the pleasure, so he was sure that he was blushing. Breaking the wet kiss, he looked down at Spock. The Vulcan was blushing as well, breathing deeply under him. The sight of him like this only turned Leonard on more. 

"Are we going to begin?" Spock asked bluntly, in an irritated voice that betrayed his appearance. Leonard smiled, since that meant that Spock was going to accept his fate as the receiver. They removed their boxers, leaving them completely exposed for one another. Leonard suddenly felt extremely nervous, and avoided looking at Spock's genital area. He leaned down, kissing the other man, rubbing their bodies together so that he could get used to the feeling. Spock eventually pushed him away, saying, "If we do not begin soon..." 

"I know, I am." Leonard said quickly, grabbing the bottle of lube from the bedside table. He briefly scanned the ingredients, making sure there was nothing harmful, but he couldn't really form too many thoughts so he just squeezed some onto his fingers anyway. At the feeling of the liquid on his hand, he began to panic. He swallowed hard, hit mouth becoming dry. 

"Ashayam." Spock said, pulling him out of his panic. "We may continue this at a later date, if you wish." 

"I'm way too hard for that, baby." Leonard smiled, trying to build up his confidence. Spock's eyebrows twitched as if the pet name pissed him off, but his increased blush and pre-cum betrayed that notion. Leonard breathed deeply, and pressed a finger into Spock's entrance. The Vulcan didn't show any signs of- well, anything, so when he seemed ready, he pressed another inside. By the time there were three fingers, Spock's breath hitched as they brushed against his prostate. 

Leonard decided they were both ready, and he shakily put a condom on himself. He wasn't usually this nervous during sex, damn it! He lubed himself up, and lined himself up with Spock's entrance. He looked the Vulcan in the eyes as he pushed in, and leaned down so that they could kiss. He started thrusting slowly, Spock moving his hips up for better access. Their tongues stroked each other and their hands explored one another's bodies, before Leonard reached a hand down and grasped Spock's member. He stroked in rhythm with his thrusts, making making Spock moan in pleasure. The sound encouraged him to go faster and harder until Spock was coming, and Leonard came soon after. 

Leonard pulled out, disposed of the wet condom, and collapsed next to Spock. He snickered when he saw the semen on the Vulcan's toned chest and abdomen. It was on him, too, which almost got him all hot again. But that was enough excitement for one night. 

He got up, went to the bathroom and got a hot, damp towel, and started gently wiping Spock with it. The Vulcan only watched him softly as he concentrated on getting him clean and comfortable. Leonard did the same with himself, only not as gently, and disposed of the towel. 

After all was well, he laid back down again with Spock, and kissed him gently. He covered them both up with the tousled blankets, and they held hands. "I forgot all about your arm. Is it okay?" 

"As illogical as it may be, I seem to have forgotten about it as well. I do not feel any pain." Spock said, and Leonard smiled. "You have been smiling more often." 

"I have?" Leonard asked, and Spock nodded. "I guess it's because I can be happy when I'm with you." 

"You do not regret our sexual encounter?" Spock said, looking at him seriously. Leonard frowned. 

"Of course not. I don't regret either of them. I'm glad to share my life with you." He answered, and Spock nodded again. "Do you regret it?" 

"I do not. I am also content that our lives will be shared with one another." Spock replied, making Leonard smile again. They kissed gently, and then held each other as they fell asleep.


	17. Regrets

Leonard woke up when the alarm went off, and groaned as he rolled over. He expected Spock to get it, as he usually did, but when the alarm continued on, he rolled back over to see an empty space beside him. He frowned as he punched the alarm off, and got out of bed. He tried searching for a note, but there was nothing. Leonard sighed and went to take a shower. 

Spock couldn't have had a change of heart... right? Vulcans didn't usually do that sort of thing... But then, Spock was also half-human. Humans often did that sort of thing. But Leonard was feeling perfectly fine about it! Sure he was freaked out that he just had sex with a man- willingly!- and enjoyed it immensely, but he was still fine with their situation. Maybe Spock was regretting it. 

Leonard was putting his pants on, then froze. What if it's because he made Spock be on bottom? What if the Vulcan took offense to that? He shook his head, and finished getting ready. It couldn't have been that. Spock did it willingly... or at least, that's what Leonard tried to convince himself of. Once he was all ready, he made the bed and left the room. Work could distract him. 

\--

After a busy day at work, and only being able to fit his meals in while still in the sickbay, Leonard trudged to Spock's quarters and instinctively let himself in. He expected the Vulcan to be there already, either meditating or working like usual, but the it was empty. He frowned. He had the right place, right? 

Obviously. There were Vulcan mementos everywhere. But then, where was Spock, damn it?! Leonard knew that Spock wasn't in danger, so he wasn't TOO worried... But he was still panicking. What should he do? There's no way he'd find him if he tried looking- the ship was far too big. Should he try anyway? 

Leonard bit his lip. Maybe Spock was just working late. So he should be returning soon. So Leonard should just wait there for him to come back. He looked around for something to make it so he didn't freak out. Too bad the damn Vulcan didn't have any alcohol stashed somewhere. But given the circumstances, Leonard didn't really trust himself enough to start drinking. 

Then he thought of something- maybe he could meditate! He wasn't really into any of that voodoo crap, but if it helped the Vulcans out of their savage ways, maybe it could help Leonard to stop freaking out! He sat down on the floor, taking up the traditional meditative position that he'd seen Spock do before, and took a deep breath. 

'Clear your mind, Leonard.' He spoke to himself, trying to only focus on the darkness behind his eyelids. He took deep breaths, and kept telling himself to be calm. It was kind of working, for a while, until someone walked through the door. His eyes snapped open to see Spock eyeing him. 

"What is it that are you doing, ashayam?" Spock asked, raising an amused eyebrow. Leonard breathed out in relief. 

"I was trying to meditate!" He retorted, glaring up at Spock. "I thought that you regretted what happened last night, so I was panicking when I didn't see you here after work. I thought that meditating might help, but you walked in before I really got anywhere." Spock sat across from him as he finished speaking. 

"It was illogical of you to assume that I had regretted our relations of last night." Spock said simply, making Leonard glare again. 

"Sorry if I got worried, you ass." Leonard grumbled, sitting up straighter and crossing his arms in defiance. The corner of Spock's mouth twitched, making Leonard immediately grin. 

"You were about to smile there, right?" He taunted, but Spock's face was back to being emotionless. 

"It is tempting to do so when you are being amusing." Spock replied with another brief eyebrow raise. "However, referring back to the original topic, I still only have love for you, ashayam." He said seriously, making Leonard raise his own eyebrows. 

"Love? Me? You do?" He asked, feeling panicked again. "When did love ever come into the equation? I was just in it for the sex!" Spock only stared at him after that, and they sat there for a while. When Spock shifted his gaze off him, looking irritated, Leonard said quickly, "You know I wouldn't have sex with a man if I didn't actually love him!" Spock looked back at him again, and he stammered. "Uh, I mean, if that's what is... uh... It's not like..." 

"Would you like to share quarters with me?" Spock asked quietly, and Leonard nodded. 

"Yeah, I'd like that a lot. I mean, we gotta start living together eventually, right?" Leonard said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. Spock nodded. 

"I expect that you will be completely exclusive to me now, without staring at women as they pass." Spock said seriously, and Leonard nodded at him. 

"Of course. You just gotta... Show me how." He said, looking into the Vulcan's deep brown eyes. 

"How...?" Spock said, not catching his meaning. 

"How to love you..." Leonard smiled ever so slightly. "You have to show me how to love you. Because until then, I won't know how to do any of this." 

"Of course, ashayam. I will show you." Spock answered, and he leaned in to kiss him. There would be no more doubts between them. They were one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of it! Thank you all very much for sticking through this far. I hope I made this fic good enough for all of you. If not, then well, I'm still writing other stories. If you for some dumb reason actually like my writing, stay tuned because I have two new stories on the way. Again, thank you very much for reading this to the end! Have a great rest of your day, and I wish you all the best. :)


	18. BONUS CHAPTER!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may or may not know, I add a bonus chapter for every 100 kudos that a story gets.
> 
> HAVE FUN! You've earned it!

100 Kudos Bonus Chapter!!!

He should have seen it coming. He really, REALLY should have seen it coming. Spock hiding away from him constantly, talking to Jim all the time, acting like he's hiding everything that happened to him each day. All that hiding and all the secrets with Jim... Leonard should have seen it coming from a mile away, but how stupid he was!

So he stood there in an otherwise empty observation deck, awkward and completely dumbfounded, staring at the scene playing out in front of him. Spock was on his knees- no, one knee. He held up a small box, saying as he opened it, "Leonard Horatio McCoy, will you grant me the great honor and privilege of taking my hand in marriage?" The ring was black, slick, that seemed to shine greens and reds and blues in certain light.

Leonard should have seen it coming, but his heart pounded in his chest, and he felt like he was going to explode with happiness. He and Spock had been together for a year. They still argued, bickered, and snapped at each other like a pair of old ladies, but they always returned to each other. Always loved each other. And the make up sex was pretty great too. But marriage? Marriage was something else. It was the ultimate commitment. It wouldn't add to the bond's power, it would multiply it. They would be completely and utterly stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. For as long as they both shall live.

Leonard blinked at Spock, thinking that he could answer with something sassy. Something careless. Something metaphorically crude that would lighten the situation and not make him feel like he was going to throw up. He could joke about some fierce Gorn mating ritual and be done with it. But he looked at Spock, into those stunning Earthy eyes, and not only could he see the man's fear- he could feel it. It accompanied his own, but he still knew that it belonged to the Vulcan in front of him. He knew Spock was scared. More scared than he had ever been on any life-threatening mission in the past year. Leonard knew it, so he swallowed down his apprehensions and sarcasm. He needed to show Spock that he didn't have to be afraid.

"Spock..." Leonard said quietly, glancing between Spock and the dark ring. He cleared his throat, and said with a determined voice, "Of course I will marry you." He smiled, and Spock blinked up at him before standing and pulling him into a rough, tight embrace. When they pulled away, Spock was smiling- actually smiling!- and Leonard cupped his face in his hands. "You're smiling!" He laughed, and Spock's joyful expression stayed where it was.

"I am... very happy. VERY happy." He replied uncharacteristically, causing Leonard to laugh again.

"So am I!" He exclaimed, planting a happy, wet kiss on Spock's mouth. When they pulled away- completely this time- Spock wasted no time in putting the ring on Leonard's finger. He felt a great many things when it slipped on; he felt overjoyed, confident, strong, and whole. It was as if a lifelong wait had finally been satisfied. He never felt like this with his other marriage. He couldn't have, if it didn't include Spock. "I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, honey." Leonard teased with the endearment, and Spock raised an eyebrow.

"As am I, ashayam." Spock replied, and Leonard smiled at him and held both his hands. Before he could ask, Spock explained, "I had been asking Jim for advice on several occasions, and I did not wish for you to find out my motives prematurely." It was as if the Vulcan read his mind.

"I see. Well, all that paranoia on my part is worth it. A thousand times over." Leonard replied, kissing Spock again.

-

They were on each other before they even made it through the door. A fire was building inside of Leonard that settled between his legs and manifested between their bodies. One minute Spock was struggling to key in his code and the next Leonard was forcefully thrown onto the bed. Clothes were wrenched, pulled, and ripped off of their bodies, and shoes were kicked to the floor with frantic force. Spock pinned Leonard to the bed, looking into his lustful eyes, and touched three warm fingers to the meld points on Leonard's face.

Their minds melted together, their passions colliding. Leonard saw sparks of yellow and pink and red, and every time they touched it was an explosion of electricity between them. Leonard bucked his hips to grind himself against Spock, and he could feel his cock growing harder and bigger with each movement. He moaned when Spock kissed him, and the friction between their lips and bodies created an irresistible fire that Leonard felt he could almost come already.

Spock sensed this and pulled away, causing Leonard to let out a very manly whine. Spock reached to the bedside table and his hand returned with a condom and lube. Before he could ask, Leonard growled, "Just fuck me, Spock. Hard." As each word left his lips, he could feel Spock's pleasure heighten exponentially through their joined minds. He learned that Spock really liked it when Leonard talked dirty to him, especially in his Georgian drawl. Spock pulled on the condom and slicked his fingers with lube, finger fucking Leonard and making him beg for it with his whining moans.

"Please Spock..." Leonard gasped as Spock pressed his lubed cock against his sensitive entrance. He could feel his face was flushed with pleasure, and his own cock was heavy on his lower abdomen. When he tried reaching for it, Spock grabbed his hand roughly and pinned their entwined fingers against the bed. Leonard growled this time, pushing himself against Spock desperately. If the damn Vulcan didn't start soon he was going to rub himself off instead.

As if in answer to the mental threat, Spock pushed inside him with a kiss, causing them both to moan into each other's mouths. Spock thrust in slowly at first, nuzzling Leonard's neck and sucking the tender, flushed skin there. As soon as Spock hit his prostate, Leonard's whole body tensed as a shock went through him, and he wrapped his legs tightly around his Vulcan. Spock hummed into his neck, and moved up so they could kiss again in a hot mess of exploring tongues, nipping teeth, and wet lips.

"I love you." Spock murmured against his lips, making Leonard's heart flutter.

"I love you too... _ashayam_." Leonard said with a smirk and his best Georgian accent, looking up into his eyes, and that pushed Spock over the edge. He started thrusting like he meant it, harder and harder with each passing moment. His swollen cock hitting Leonard's prostate every time, causing him to moan loudly against Spock's mouth. Their lips were locked together, so there was no room for words. He wanted to warn Spock, but he didn't want to pull away.

 _We are linked mentally, ashayam._ He heard ring through his mind like beautiful harmony, and he knew it was Spock's voice speaking to him through the meld.

 _I'm going to come, honey. God I'm so close._ Leonard pushed the thoughts through his mind to Spock, hoping to high heaven that it would reach him. Spock moaned against his mouth again, grabbing Leonard's cock with his long, hot fingers. Leonard thrust into Spock's hand, moaning loudly as he could feel himself getting so close. _Spock, I'm gonna..._ He lost track of even his thoughts as his mind turned to a haze of molten pleasure.

"Fuck, do it." Spock murmured against his lips, and the fact that he cussed was enough to send Leonard over the edge. He came hard and fast, his semen filling Spock's loose fist. Spock came at the same time, filling Leonard with his hot semen. They both moaned loudly, Leonard fisting Spock's soft hair.

After they cleaned up, they laid next to each other on the bed. Leonard was fondling Spock's hair, and said, "I'm excited to spend my life with you, Spock."

"And I, you. I apologize for swearing." Spock said, and it took Leonard a moment to figure out what he was talking about. He snorted when he remembered.

"Don't. It was really hot." He remarked, and Spock stroked two fingers on the inner part of Leonard's free hand. "But no, really, I love you." He added, feeling like he needed to say it again for emphasis.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot diggity damn, I hope you liked it!  
> Feel free to give kudos if you hadn't before, comment on what you thought, and/or even check out my other works and see if you like anything!  
> And stay tuned, there might be another 100 kudos coming!


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